Her pain pulses through me, debilitating and awful, and because I anchor it so tightly within me, or maybe because of our bond, I sense more than just the dull throbbing in her pelvis.
A deep ache swallows her heart. It’s disappointment, rejection, abandonment, all things horrible and hurtful. I look up, startled, and she shakes, watching me with fury that hides something so vulnerable and broken, I would never have guessed it was there.
“No,” I whisper. “No, you’re wrong. I will fight. I’ll do it. I’ll give it my all. So please, don’t be done yet. Come with me. Let’s do miracles together.”
She blinks mistrustfully, her body rigid and aching, and I sense it all, the weight of her shoulders dragging her down, aburn in her throat, her eyes stinging, though there is no trace of tears. Jaga hurts all over, and it’s because—I refused her?
She frowns now, looking down at her body, then at me, her gaze questioning. I guess she notices the lack of sensations that usually accompany her emotional turmoil. I took all of her pain, undiscerning and so pathetic in my greed for everything that’s hers.
“Jaga,” I call her attention gently back to me. “I’ll do it. I think it’s brilliant.”
I notice it because I look for it. Her shoulders sag, and the tension around her eyes releases. She nods, and I think it’s because she doesn’t trust her voice. Oh, so mortal still. So very precious.
“You can’t just go into the mortal world,” Nyja says, her lips twisted with disapproval. “Neither you nor her.”
Jaga shrugs. “I’m powerful enough to disguise myself very well.”
Nyja shakes her head. “You won’t fool him by changing the color of your hair or eyes! Weles, you can’t seriously consider letting her go. It’s too dangerous!”
I drum my fingers on the table, considering the risks and potential benefits. In the end, I shake my head. Before, I had very good reasons not to let Jaga come with me to Slawa, and they still stand. I’m not sure she’ll be able to abstain from using her magic.
But we are already bonded, so there is no reason to hold her back this time.
“Sitting here and doing nothing is dangerous, too. I believe Jaga is powerful enough to disguise her signature, and if she can do it, I’ll take her.”
When Nyja hisses like an angry cat, I project my voice to whisper in her ear, shielding the sound so only she will hear me.
“I’m making progress with her, but not fast enough. Having an adventure together will bring us closer.”
Nyja exhales heavily and looks at me with her piercing, silver eyes. “Be careful.”
I nod. Jaga looks at me, clearly excited, and I remember how much she thrived when she fought bieses in her village. She loves being in the thick of things. And this time, I’ll be right with her, not her enemy, but the closest companion in her excitement.
When the meeting’s over, Jaga comes to me, hesitating. I don’t have enough resilience to stand up. All I can do is sit here and feel the pain.
“Weles?” she asks uncertainly. “Are you well?”
I press my hand to my forehead, which is damp with cold sweat. She leans closer, and I look up, shaking my head.
“Give me a day or two, and we’ll go,” I say through gritted teeth. “Or no. Better three.”
She frowns, watching me closely. “You’re in pain.”
I can’t hold back a bitter laugh, though I should. I should get up and put on a pretense of well-being, but I’m utterly spent.
“Just go,” I say. “Please.”
She doesn’t, the obstinate witch. I push my chair away from the table, and Jaga drops to her knees in front of me, taking my hands in her palms. I close my eyes and let my head fall back against the backrest. Damn it all. In any other condition, I would have loved seeing her like this, but right now, I can’t get it up for anything.
“Why are you in pain?” she asks, her voice tight, like she already knows the answer yet refuses to believe it.
“It’s humiliating. Leave me alone.”
“Tell me.”
Her voice blooms in my mind like a flower, sweet and coaxing, so very intimate. I exhale shakily, but I’m doomed, aren’t I?
At least it’s easier to tell her through the bond. If I say it out loud and Strzybog overhears it, for example, I would never live it down.
