The tingling in my tongue stops, and she lets go of the pendant, rubbing her hands together in discomfort. I step closer, gratified when she doesn’t retreat. At least I have that.
“Now?”
She nods sharply. “Let’s get it over with.”
Chapter twenty
Joined
I bite back a wry smile. It’s so ironic that it’s an unpleasant chore for her, whereas I’m ready to pay in blood and tears for a few moments of closeness that are willingly given, not stolen like that kiss on the cliff, or forced by circumstances like her holding my hand.
I advance, and Jaga balls her hands into fists, standing straighter. I stop only when the tips of my shoes are an inch away from hers. It’s a pleasant shock to be eye to eye, her heels giving her enough added height to match mine. I breathe in, welcoming her scent, herbal and warm. Jaga’s breathing is slow and controlled, her face blank.
“Follow my lead,” I whisper, gently cradling her face in both palms.
Her lip twitches, and she blinks rapidly, her breath catching once. Her control ramps up after that, and when she takes my face into her palms, it’s as cool and impersonal as she can make it. This position is naturally intimate, though.
I look into her eyes, but they are scattered and unfocused, avoiding me even now.
“Not my nose or forehead, love. My eyes. Or it won’t work.”
Her mouth twists briefly, and her gaze focuses, growing razor-sharp and defiant. My heart throbs faster in excitement, and I take her in, not doing anything yet. I drink my fill of this moment, Jaga’s face in my hands, her eyes livid and riveted on me.
“What now?” she bites out.
She’s so uncomfortable, it’s ridiculous. With a jolt, I realize I cannot lie, butshecan. Was her whole speech about waiting for someone better a lie? Does her discomfort mean she wants me and hates it—or is she truly disgusted?
My throat tightens with endless yearning. She is so close, and her lips—right there. But I cannot lean in, or I’ll never find out. If I force her to take my kisses, I’ll only know that she was helpless to stop me.
I must let her lead, then. Sweet torture.
“Keep looking,” I murmur, dropping my voice into the sultriest, most inviting purr I can muster. “Just like this. Look deep and don’t be afraid.”
She releases a shaky breath, her tongue flicking out to wet her lips. I don’t look away from her eyes, beautifully mismatched, angry, and flustered. Her shields swirl right there, almost on the surface. They are hardened with fear, impenetrable to my gaze.
With a slow, indulgent inhale, I breathe in her air and drop my guard. All my protective barriers fall, and my mind stands open. Jaga rushes in, gasping in shock. Her presence hums in my mind, curious, appalled,hungryfor something. I tighten my grip, my fingers digging into her temples, and hold her there.
Yes. This is perfect. Us, joined.
“For the bond to grow solid, you must let me in, too,” I purr.
Shivers cascade down my back, Jaga’s warmth lighting my mind. She doesn’t know what to do and just hovers inside, barely past the threshold. She could glimpse my thoughts or press in and take root in my head, and I wouldn’t stop her.
But she’s innocent in this. I am her first. And this time, she’s mine, too.
“H-how?”
“You have formidable walls barring the way. You must bring them down to let me in. Make a door, if you will. Invite me in,” I whisper hotly, small trembles rushing down my arms.
Oh, it’s pleasant. Not like sex, but—I imagine doing this when my cock’s inside her, oh, that would be depraved, like making love, a proper union.
She sighs shakily, such horrible helpless fear shining in her eyes. I hum in sympathy.
“It’s terrifying to let me in, isn’t it? But you know you’re safe. If you won’t trust me, trust your magic. It made me speak the truth. I won’t hurt you.”
Her eyelids flutter as if she wants to close them, and Jaga takes a bracing breath. She grits her teeth audibly and widens her eyes. I watch with bated breath as the thick wall of mistrust and fear slowly melts away.
It takes a long time. She halts a few times. Just when the opening seems big enough for me to squeeze through, parts of the wall rise again, like it’s an instinct for her to keep me out.
