She says nothing, watching me as her throat works. I don’t understand her gaze, but it’s heavy with meaning and emotion. Something’s happening to her, something secret and hidden. A bloody tear rolls down her cheek, and still, she says nothing, only looks.
“Well, get on with it!” Perun snaps impatiently. “I have temples to build and worlds to rule. Go on, girl. Say it or I’ll fry him until you do. And you, Weles. Kill the woman you love if you want to stop this. That will serve you right.”
I gasp, realizing Perun doesn’t really care whether Jaga gives him her allegiance or not. All he wants is to break me so thoroughly, I’ll never stand up to him again. He is right. Whether I kill her or not, I’ll be destroyed, and he will win.
He presses his palm to Chors’ forehead. Jaga opens her mouth, her lips trembling so badly, she can’t speak at first. Perun blasts her with another healing spell, one that’s careless and painful. She writhes for a moment, her body twisting asthough trying to bend in half, which is impossible in her restraints.
I gather my intent, my killing thought burning in my mind. I must do it or my fight will be lost forever. Everything I’ve devoted myself to will be gone if Jaga says those words.
I wish my hands would stop trembling.
“Goodbye, Jaga,” I whisper, my voice a croak of suffering and longing.
She nods once, breathing hard, and opens her mouth. “I… belong…”
She stops, looking at me expectantly. I stare at her, numb and frozen. I have just realized something. It should have been obvious all along, but I never saw it coming. My heart shatters completely as I comprehend the futility of everything I’ve done. How blindsided, how foolish I was.
As the future stretches ahead, two pathways rolling in the grass before me, I realize one is infinitely worse than the other. Both are dismal and hopeless, but one is without Jaga, the other with her, and it makes all the difference.
I am a man in love. I should have known.
Jaga frowns slightly, uncomprehending. She believes I will kill her. She expects it completely. It’s her way out, I realize. Her escape from being responsible for Chors’ suffering, for the fate of Slawa. I understand her. I would have preferred to die, too.
It would be a kindness to kill her, but I am too selfish even for that.
Perun looks at me with annoyance. “Kill her already! Do it, brother! Or do you want her to be mine?”
“Yes,” I breathe, no sound escaping, though my lips form the word. I swallow and try again.
“Yes. Oh, yes. I’d rather she lives. I’d rather lose to you… Than lose her.”
Perun watches me with a thunderous expression. Jaga shakes her head.
“I will say it!” she exclaims, tears flowing down her cheeks. “I can’t stand it, W—”
She breaks off, huffing in frustration, because she can’t even say my name.
“I can’t! Why, oh, why can’t you keep your word? You said your fight is more important than me, so please!”
I scoff, suddenly buoyant and light, so mad with mirth. “I lied,” I gasp out, then burst into laughter.
“I lied to you, to everyone, and most of all, to myself. I lied so well, I even fooled your magic. Well, poppy girl. You wanted a bad man who’ll put you above all else. Here I am!”
She stares at me with incredulity, and I shake my head, grinning.
“Be his. Be fucking his and live a beautiful, immortal life. Look in on me sometime. I’ll be in my hole.”
I laugh again, bursting with the hilarity of it. The best thing is, I will gohappily.As long as she is alive, as long as she thrives, I’ll be glad serving as fertilizer for Perun’s odious tree. And maybe one day, Jaga will break me out. Or she won’t. It doesn’t matter.
All that matters is that I love her and can’t bear to lose her. Anything else, I can take. But not a world without her.
“That was entertaining,” Perun says, curling his hand around Jaga’s throat. “Let’s get it done. I don’t know what I’ll do with you after. You’ve been very tedious.”
Jaga ignores him, staring at me with wide, uncomprehending eyes. “I don’t understand! Why have you waited so long? Wo—”
She breaks off, snapping her mouth shut. Her eyes are wide, and her entire body goes rigid. I’m still reeling from my realization—I love her more than anything, fuck, when did that happen—so I don’t understand her reaction.
Jaga’s face goes flat, her eyes losing their spark. She begins speaking, and I make no move to stop her.
