Chapter 1
Grai
Walking into Shiloh’s closet, I began rummaging around, looking for something for him to wear to school tomorrow. He floated in the room behind me, fresh out of the shower and fully moisturized. As expected, he went straight for the cape that was attached to the superhero costume Poppa had custom-made for him.
I glanced over my shoulder in time to see him do a jump-kick combo off his bed. Thankfully, he landed on his feet with a solid thud. Turning around, I planted a hand on my hip.
“Loh.” I called out to him in warning. He lifted his eyes to find me pinning him in place with a glare he knew very well. This little boy was always spiking my blood pressure. He always had more trips to the hospital than his brother and I combined in a single year.
He huffed. “I don’t know why you get so scared. How do you think I fight crime all night long?”
Turning back to the closet, I returned to the task at hand. Picking out clothes for my sons was a highlight of my day. I lovedto keep them fly, just like their mama. “With your intelligent little brain. I made a smart baby.”
“A strong one too.” More thumping sounds followed, and I knew he was back there showing his ass. “You remember you have to keep my secret, right? No one can know I’m Havoc, fighter of crime and adults who force kids to eat vegetables they hate.” He legit sounded out of breath behind me.
I really cracked up at that. “So, you got an issue with me, huh?” I went into his dresser, pulled out his undergarments, and then folded everything on top of his dresser. When he didn’t respond, I turned to find him watching me skeptically. I burst into laughter. “Oh, so you do, huh?” I rushed over to him and began tickling his underarms. The room exploded into a symphony of joy and innocence. “You should be thanking Mommy. Those vegetables I make you eat are what’s keeping you strong.”
His laughter died out as I released him. “I guess you get a pass because you’re a good mommy.” I planted a fat kiss on his cheek, then ruffled his wild and curly, jet-black hair. His round, brown face and expressive eyes always had a way of weakening me.
I made a mental note to talk to Poppa about dragging him to the barbershop for a trim. He wouldn’t sit still for too long, so he only got trims and only allowed Poppa to take him.
“Thank you, baby.” I floated out of his room and headed to my nine-year-old’s room right across the hall. Unlike his brother, my oldest was a little quieter and more reserved. Solace sat in his rocking chair, reading a comic while listening to the radio. He tended to do that as one of the many habits he picked up from Poppa. “Hey, Ace. You need me to pick out your clothes for tomorrow?”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “You can,” he responded dryly.
I smiled, knowing he was agreeing more for my sake than his. I noticed over the last year, he was becoming a little more independent. He didn’t allow me to coddle him the way I doted on Shiloh anymore. I tried not to let it sadden me, but it was hard not to.
I was taking care of that little boy before he took his first breath in this world. I would always feel the desire to do for him, but Poppa encouraged me to loosen the reins, remembering how smothering his mother could be, even now that he was a grown man. He said to give him a choice, and whenever he wanted that extra attention, then to pour all the affection I had built up into him.
Did I always love not having to wait on Solace hand and foot? No. Not even a little bit, but I understood I was raising a boy who would one day become a man. I wanted him to be able to stand on his own with his head held high, with confidence in the way he was raised to think for himself.
I walked over to his closet just as the melody of Chris Brown’s “Residuals” began to play. I pulled a pair of light-wash jeans from a hanger. I sifted through the shirts but paused when Ace walked over to me. He had his Jordan 4 Retro Thunder’s in his hand that he’d gotten from Poppa for his last report card. My baby had made the principal’s list. I had a feeling I had a future valedictorian on my hands. He didn’t necessarily look nerdy, but it seemed like the boy was smarter than a computer at times.
Sometimes, I felt like he knew more than me, especially when it came to math. Helping him with his homework always made me feel insecure. It made me wish I’d spent more time focusing on school than being hot in the tail. At the same time, I knew being fast was how I was blessed with my boys. I never expected to become a teen mother, but that was because I was fucking without truly understanding how permanent the consequencescould be. Now, I was a high-school dropout struggling to make ends meet.
My eyes floated to Ace’s digital alarm clock. It was a quarter to eight, which meant I had an hour to get to work. Ace’s voice returned me to the present.
“I want to wear these. Can you pick a shirt that matches?”
I glanced at the sneakers, deciding I wanted to highlight the yellow. I took the sneakers as he went back to his rocking chair, but instead of picking his comic back up, he began to sing along with Chris Brown. I always loved the rare moments when my baby let his guard down. It brought me real joy to know I was raising such multidimensional little men.
I snickered when I glanced over at Loh to see him dancing crazily. Ace was still singing, paying his brother no attention at all. Picking out a shirt, I folded his outfit up, then placed it on his dresser. He came beside me and went into his jewelry stand. I watched him add two of his gold chains and the watch Poppa had gotten him. These boys cherished everything from that best friend of mine. He could do no wrong in their eyes—hell, in mine either, most of the time.
Since everything was squared away, I went to grab my cell phone from my bedroom. I’d left it on the charger to get some juice before work. Going into my contacts, I called Mama Dee to see if she could babysit for me. Thankfully for me, she answered on the first ring and agreed to head right over. I quickly got dressed, then returned to the boys’ rooms to check on them. They were both fast asleep, so I gave them both a kiss on the cheek. Before I left, I turned the volume on the radio down a little more so they wouldn’t get startled in their sleep.
Pulling up the weDrive app, I ordered a ride to work. Someone picked it up quickly and would be here in a few minutes. I went into the bathroom to empty my bladder, then switched purses. By the time I was heading to the living room,Mama Dee was knocking on the front door. I raced toward it and hugged her within seconds. “Mama Dee! Thank you so much for coming so quickly.”
She waved me off after releasing me. “You know I don’t have nothing else to do these days, and I’m up most of the night.” A somber expression highlighted her empty eyes. I knew she was still mourning the loss of her father. I offered her an empathetic squeeze to her arm. “Are the boys already in bed?”
I nodded. “Yes, they are. You shouldn’t hear a peep out of them until the morning. I’ll be here first thing to get them ready for school.” My phone pinged to let me know my driver had arrived. I could see a silver Prius easing to a stop outside.
“Okay, no worries. I can get them ready, and I’ll stay however long you need me to. There’ll be breakfast for you by the time you get here.” I reached for Mama Dee’s hand before squeezing it tightly. She gave me a knowing smile, and nothing else needed to be said.
I rushed out of the house shortly after and hopped in my ride. I was running slightly behind schedule. The only thing that worked in my favor was that I was the general manager at The Roxy. It was an upscale hotel right in the middle of Solaire. Its prime location downtown kept it booked out months in advance for most of the year.
Some shifts could be more challenging than others, but I was thankful to have a job. To be someone who got pregnant at eighteen and never got my diploma, I had to fight for respect in this world. I would never regret my children, but I had to grow up faster than I was ready for. Despite the hard times we faced at times, I was making it work the best I could.
Chapter 2
