“You okay, Tom?You have this weird look.Cute, but weird.”
Cute.Antonio’s smoldering words were nails on a chalkboard to Tom now.
“I started to think that you were into me.You’ve been flirting with me all night, more than usual.”
“What?Tom, I think you have the wrong idea…”
“Oh, I do.”Tom put down the box of picture frames.He was hit with a sucker punch of clarity.“I am such an idiot.Such an idiot.You were never into me.You only flirted so that I would take shifts nobody else wanted or not complain about getting passed over for a promotion.
“I have had the wrong idea this whole time.You were jealous of Randall, not because he was with me, but because he took the attention away from you, because suddenly you weren’t the center of my universe.”
Tom listened to himself clearly for the first time.He couldn’t believe he had been into this guy.He had had a retail mindset of only wanting the anticipation.But Randall was the holiday.When he was with Randall, there was no pining.Only living.
“I can’t even blame you.I let this happen.I let myself have this hopeless crush on you because it was safe.Nothing will ever happen between us, so I never had to worry about being rejected or hurt.And you strung me along just enough.”
“I think you should go home and get some sleep.You’re not thinking clearly.I think you’re overworked.”
“You’re never leaving Milo.”
“Tom…”
“And I’m never getting promoted.”
“I told you.I’m working on that.These things take time.If I could promote you right this second, I would.”
“Antonio, cut the shit.Has corporate given any reason why I haven’t been promoted?I do all the things an assistant manager does already.”Another bolt of clarity hit Tom.“Why would you need to promote me?I do all the work of an assistant manager at a sales associate wage.I make you look so good.”
“Tom, take a walk outside.Get some fresh air.”
Tom saw that smolder for what it really was.Manipulation.He laughed to himself.His pining had completely screwed over his job prospects.
“I quit,” Tom said.“I’m going to find myself a manager position.”
“Those jobs don’t grow on trees.You’re going to give up this path that we’re carving for you here?”
“I am.”Tom breathed in stale stockroom air that refreshed his lungs as if he were hiking in the woods.“But not tonight.I’m not a dick.I’m giving my two weeks notice.”
Tom got back to work.As luck would have it, he made his declaration at midnight.It was a new day, and a new world for Tom.He was ready for more risk.Tis the season, right?
CHAPTER15
Christmas Eve
Tom signedup for the last available slot of the night to see Santa.He waited with the rest of the 5:30 group in the line that snaked through South Wing.Tom remembered coming to see Santa as a little kid with his mom.He was never impressed.He would make awkward small talk with Santa without giving his wish list.She had been open with him about who really made gifts appear, and it wasn’t some random dude up at the North Pole.His mom worked hard to buy her son Christmas gifts, and she deserved the credit.
Randall seemed like a Santa natural, despite not having the body type one would expect.Even though most people who sat on his lap were there not out of the holiday spirit, he put on his best Santa show, staying committed to the role.He asked them what they wanted for Christmas and sidestepped any come-ons.Tom recognized the buoyant energy of his voice from their conversations in their not-so-secret hiding spot and that night at The Wounded Soldier.“Ho Ho Ho” bellowed throughout the workshop.
Tom had spent his morning perusing job boards for any manager positions.It was pretty quiet on the job front, but he knew retail, and more positions would open up in January.People rode out the holiday season before moving around.
Kirsten had screamed outYES!when he told her the news.He knew Kirsten was a full volume person, but her reaction still surprised him.He gave her the internationalkeep it downsignal, since they were both on duty.
“I’m so happy for you,” she said.
“You are?I quit, and I don’t have another job lined up.”The reality hit Tom when he woke up.Any surge of excitement he had felt when he told Antonio had been smoothed down by a gust of fear.
“You’re betting on yourself.”
He liked how she put it.“I’m scared.”
