“Do you want me to stay?” Rafe asked. His eyes were heavy and red like he’d been thinking about this for a while. “Because I thought you were excited about the prospect of me extending, but now…I don’tknow.”
Eamonn didn’t know how to answer. He wanted to be with Rafe and didn’t want to lose him, but he couldn’t ask this ofhim.
“Do you want to stay?” Eamonnasked.
“That’s not an answer. I asked youfirst.”
Eamonn had to smile at this game ofchicken.
“Can we please both be completely honest with each other?” Eamonn asked. He took a deep breath. Honesty scared the shit out of him. “I do. I don’t want this to end. I fucking care about you so much, but I don’t want you to sacrifice your life and your future back in America, because then you’ll just wind up resentingme.”
“No, Iwouldn’t.”
“We don’t have snow and dance-a-thons and dining halls, and if you stay here, you might not get into that BISHoPprogram.”
“It’s just BISHoP. The P stands forprogram.”
Eamonn cocked his head at Rafe. Now was not the time fornitpicking.
“I do miss dining hall food,” Rafeadmitted.
“It’s probably better than the slop they serve at the first-year hallshere.”
“I doubt that. The company that supplies our dining halls also supplies food for prisons. I might just have lowstandards.”
Eamonn loved being able to joke with Rafe, even now. They had a comfort level with each other that Eamonn didn’t have with pastboyfriends.
“Now it’s your turn.” Eamonn rubbed Rafe’s hand with his thumb. “Do you want to stay atStroude?”
“Yes! I want to travel and get the full abroad experience and…” Rafe dragged his fingers through his hair. The jury in his mind seemed to be arguing thisout.
“Rafe.”
“You. I want to be with you, Eamonn. What we have, I’ve been looking for since I was thirteen. I’m falling in love withyou.”
Eamonn squeezed his hand. “Me,too.”
A tear spilled down Rafe’s cheek. Eamonn’s jaw tightened withemotion.
“I would be staying for you.” Rafe nodded with this realization. “Fuck. I can see how that would put some undue pressure on you.” He wiped the tears off his face. “But maybe it couldwork.”
“That’s a bigmaybe.”
“Isn’t it worthtrying?”
Was it? That was why Eamonn liked enjoying the present rather than thinking about the future. The present had answers. He didn’t have to wonder what would happen at the end of the school year. He didn’t have to wonder if Rafe would go cold on him unexpectedly and leave his heart inpieces.
Rafe’s eyes told him all he needed to know. They were setting themselves up for disaster if they tried to make this work. Things like this neverworked.
“I’ll email my advisor,” Rafe said, his voicehollow.
Eamonn brought Rafe’s hand up to his mouth and kissed his knuckles, the same knuckles that had punched into his palm on the football pitch, back when Rafe was just the Token Yank and nothingmore.
