“Thanks.” It felt good to talk to an objective stranger about this, someone who had no pre-existing knowledge about his life. “What made you decide to come out?”
“When it was just me hiding in the closet, it was easy. One plate to spin. But then Ethan entered the picture and soon there were more plates, more spinning, more pronoun switching, more lies, more elements of my life that I had to keep hiding.”
Cliff wanted to give him an amen. Brennan was becoming a bigger part of his life, taking up more space in his mind and his heart.
“Trust me, dude. The exhaustion of living in secret is ten times worse than what you think it is. You won’t realize that until you’re on the other side.”
He tried to picture what the other side would look like, but his mind held back. It was too scary. But did that mean he wouldn’t be able to stay with Brennan?
“If you ever want to talk, I’m just a phone call or text away.” Greg gave him his number, and Cliff put it in his phone. His fingers buzzed as he typed in the digits. Was Greg his first gay friend?
Greg opened the bathroom door. Nolan waited outside, pacing back and forth. His eyes darted between Greg and Cliff. Cliff immediately turned red.
“Do I want to know?” Nolan asked.
“If girls can go to the bathroom together, then why can’t guys?” Greg smacked him on the chest and strolled back to the patio, Cliff right on his coattails.
Except for Cameron and Henry, the rest of their Taints Misbehaving teammates seemed to have given up on winning pub trivia. They reveled in each other’s company as if no time had passed since college. Cliff found himself overcome with jealousy of their closeness. There were no walls, no quick lies between these friends. He lost count of the lies he’d spat out to Dell within his first two months at Browerton.
And there was Brennan, schmoozing away with Walker and stealing Cliff’s heart at the same time. That beautiful smile and a chest he could bury his face in for hours.
“Guys, we still have a shot here.” Henry hunched over a worksheet for pub trivia where they had to match the famous quote to the film.
“How about we take shots instead?” Ethan said, half-standing and half-kneeling on his bench. Greg came behind him and wrapped his arms around his frame, not giving a semblance of a fuck what other bar patrons thought.
“Somebody’s drunk,” Greg said, sinking his nose into his husband’s hair.
“Not yet. That’s what the shots are for.”
“Save it for the library,” Walker said.
Ethan’s eyes shot wide open. “You told him, Cameron?”
“Oh, Ethan, lighten up and help us with this trivia worksheet,” Cameron said, not taking his eyes off the paper.
Everyone burst out in a cacophony of laughter. Cliff joined along, even though he was technically out of the loop on this one.
He took his place beside Brennan on the bench. He rested his head on Brennan’s shoulder and inhaled his one-of-a-kind scent. His head rose and fell with the cadence of Brennan’s breath.
“Comfortable?” Brennan asked.
He could feel the sides of Brennan’s face bunch up into a smile, the ends of his stubble prickling against his forehead. A feeling of peace coated him, covering him like his favorite blanket.
Cliff exhaled a relaxed breath. “Yeah.”
22
BRENNAN
The next two weeks were a dream. Cliff slept over on non-game nights. They’d work on an art lesson, fool around, then cuddle in bed and fall asleep together. Rinse and repeat. They’d done everything but have full-on sex; it was only a matter of time since Cliff seemed to enjoy having Brennan’s Blue Rocket, fingers, and tongue in there. Brennan wanted it to be special. He’d been responsible for all of Cliff’s sexual firsts so far. He didn’t want cashing in the final leg of his V-card to be one more item to check off.
On the days when Cliff couldn’t come over, Brennan went into withdrawal. He tossed and turned in bed by himself. He craved feeling that tight body against his and seeing those sparkling hazel eyes come to life with lust. Thanksgiving was going to be tough. Brennan was staying in his loft and ordering in Boston Market. His parents had given him an invite to their families’ festivities, but he felt like an intruder at holiday gatherings. Alex would be in Paris sweeping Rosie off her feet, and Cliff would be back in Wisconsin with his family. On the bright side, Cliff had a basketball game that Sunday night, so he would be back on campus early.
Have a good Thanksgiving, Cliff texted him the Wednesday before.I’ll see you soon.
See you Saturday?
Probably not. I’ll be super busy with practice.
