“They’re not lame!” Ethan shouted. Jessica seemed to appreciate Ethan and Greg’s relationship more than Greg. She knew that it had changed him for the better, and she didn’t want him to hide. Ethan fumed with anger. Greg was being the lame one.
Another pair of tears rolled down his cheeks. He wanted to stop crying, and he was hurt that Greg didn’t start. “I can’t keep living a secret life. I’ve done that for so long. Not with you, but with myself. I always kept a part of myself hidden from others, scared that they would reject me if I showed them the real me. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to filter and second-guess everything I say whenever I’m in public. I don’t want to tell your fraternity brothers that I have a question on the homework every time I want to see you.” The tears kept coming, flowing like a babbling brook. “You think what we were doing was like a fuck you to Browerton, but only you can hear it. Your dad can’t hear it, your brothers can’t hear it, Professor Sharpe can’t hear it. If you want to shake things up with them, then do it already. Sneaking around isn’t a fuck you to them; it’s a fuck you to me!”
Greg stood up and wrapped him in a hug. Ethan breathed in his scent. “Calm down, calm down.”
“Are you happy, Greg? Like this?”
“I’m happy with you.”
“In private?”
“All the time.” Greg hugged him harder. Ethan felt his muscles pushing against his frame. “Come on, I hate seeing you cry.”
Greg kept one arm around him while he wiped Ethan’s face off with his shirt. Ethan knew he couldn’t force him to come out, but he was glad that he’d let himself be heard. He sank into this moment.
They gazed into each other’s eyes. Ethan caught flecks of green sprinkled in the dark brown. Greg lowered his face to Ethan’s and kissed him again, this time softer, telling him everything he couldn’t say aloud. Ethan savored every moment it.
“Hey, Ethan—”
Sahil stood in the doorway, Lorna’s scarf in hand.
Greg’s eyes went wide with shock and fear. Sahil’s jaw swung open. They were three deer caught in each other’s headlights.
“Sorry.” Sahil placed the scarf on Greg’s desk and shut the door.
Ethan glanced up at Greg, who kept staring. He was a stone statue, and Ethan had to untangle himself from his arms.
“It’s okay. He didn’t see anything. He thought he saw something, but he didn’t,” Ethan said. He took a step back to examine his immobile boyfriend. “Greg?”
“Fuck,” Greg whispered. Movement slowly returned to his body. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, FUCK.” He faced out the window. Ethan could make out his pummeled expression in the reflection.
“It’s okay, Greg.”
“Fuck. Holy shit.” Greg heaved in deep breaths of air.
“Calm down. It’ll be okay, Greg. Sahil will be cool.”
Greg pivoted around and stared daggers. “How the fuck would you know? My life here is ruined.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Did you plan this?”
“What? No.”
“I said I needed time, and you just pushed. Who gives a fuck what I’m feeling and thinking? You couldn’t bear the secret. Even though you get to go home to your hippy dippy South Campus life, and I live here 24/7. This is my life, and it’s all gone. But you couldn’tbearthe secret.”
Ethan broke out into tears again. Greg wasn’t that far behind him.
“You wanted Sahil to catch us, didn’t you?”
“No! I didn’t plan anything. I just wanted to talk.”
“I am so fucked, Ethan.” Greg paced around his half of the room.
“It’s going to be okay.”
Greg didn’t say anything. He kept pacing. The pin in his grenade had been ripped out.
