As soon as the funeral ended, Mac pulled Gideon away from the cemetery. They said no goodbyes, and nobody came up to say goodbye to them. Gideon hailed a cab and took them back to his hotel in downtown Pittsburgh.
Mac sat in the desk chair in his hotel room, glassy-eyed. He looked like he just came from battle. Gideon rubbed his shoulders.
“How did you…”
“Delia told me. Then I called around to funeral homes in the area, found a last-minute hotel, and booked a bus here.”
“You did all that?”
“I want to be here for you.” He spun Mac around to face him. Gideon’s stomach did a somersault when those brown eyes were on him. “I missed you so much. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I feel like I’ve been pushing my whole life. Pushing to be somebody I’m not. Pushing anyone away that could expose who I really am.”
When Gideon had left Mac’s apartment, things started to become clear. He let himself see who he really was and think what he really wanted to think.
“Do you know what would go through my mind when I dated and hooked up with girls?” He squatted down to get eye level.
Mac cocked an eyebrow, afraid to hear the answer.
“I would say ‘Good job’ to myself. I would tell myself I was doing the right thing.” Gideon shook his head.Always the good son.It was so fucked up. “I spent so much time trying to convince myself that I didn’t want the things I wanted.”
Mac placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You’re not the first gay guy to feel this. You are gay, right? This is you coming out?”
Gideon nodded, silently grateful that Mac took those words out of his mouth for him. He still felt a ripple of shame when he heard them. He wasn’t ready for the world’s reaction.
“What was going through your mind on the night we first met?” Mac asked him.
“I thought I was lucky that I got to meet a cool guy on my first day at school.”
“And when I kissed you?”
The memory was still vivid in his mind. “I freaked the hell out. It all happened so fast. It was like going from having secret, fleeting thoughts about skydiving to being thrown out of an airplane.” Mac chuckled at the analogy. It was better than geology class. “I panicked.”
“I’ve never been that forward,” Mac said.
But now it was Gideon’s turn to be forward. He brushed his lips against Mac’s, breathing in his warm taste, realizing just how much he missed it now that he had it back. He planted tender kisses along Mac’s freshly shaved cheeks.
“What if I told you that I really liked you?”
“Then strap me into a parachute because I am ready to skydive.” Mac pulled Gideon against him, the kisses turning passionate and hungry.
Their lips were magnets to each other. Mac dug his fingers into Gideon’s unruly hair and pulled him closer. It was different from the times in their apartment. For the first time, they could kiss each other without any pretenses, their true selves laid bare.
Gideon hugged Mac into his chest. They couldn’t kiss each other fast or hard enough. Mac shoved his hands up Gideon’s shirt. His fingers prickled against the hairs on his chest and stomach.
Gideon pulled away mid-kiss. He felt an intensity shaking his core. He needed this. He led Mac to the bed. They took off their suit jackets.
“Are you sure?” Mac asked.
“You tell me.” Gideon opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out the bottle of Astroglide. “I figured if all went well today, we’d get to use it. And if you had rejected me earlier, I would’ve come back here and used it on myself.”
Mac laughed. Gideon wanted to make him laugh and smile, especially today. This kid had been through so much. Gideon wanted to make him feel good.
For weeks, Gideon was a house where the lights were shut off. He tried turning the circuit breakers, but they didn’t do a thing. Kissing Mac, feeling that hard body against his made Gideon the brightest house on the block.
Those ferocious lips brought him back to life, and Gideon wanted all of him. Mac lay across the bed, his muscular frame sprawled out on the comforter. Gideon’s lips moved from his mouth and slid down his neck. Mac shivered at his touch. He groped Mac’s cock through his pants. His hands hovered over a Hanukkah gift all wrapped, waiting for him to tear it open.
He looked up at Mac as his mouth moved further south. Mac’s eyes asked if he was okay.Hell yes.
He unbuttoned and unzipped Mac’s pants.There’s a dick in my face, Gideon thought.A big one.He wondered what others would think. He closed his eyes and forced all of those thoughts out of his mind. They were other people’s words, other people’s beliefs. He focused on what he truly wanted.
