“We did. It was amicable. We both got cold feet about moving in together and realized it was about something bigger, that the relationship had run its course. We’re still friends. It’s fine.”
“I’m glad it wasn’t acrimonious. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Gideon sensed some hurt in her voice. “You’ve had your hands full with Noah’s whirlwind romance. I didn’t want to add to your stress.”
“You didn’t need to do that, Gideon. You really didn’t. I’m a mother. It’s my job to worry about my sons.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“How are you doing?”
“I’m good.” And Gideon was. He’d been happier this week than he had in a long time.
“Good. Are you paying for rent all by yourself?”
“No. It turns out that a friend of mine needed an apartment, and it worked out perfectly.” A smile quirked on his lips. That was actually, mostly, the truth.
“That’s a relief. Listen, you don’t need to lie to me about things. I can handle it. And whatever it is, Noah’s probably done much worse.”
“Right.” But so wrong. Gideon knew his mom would say this. It was easy to say she could handle things, but he knew that wasn’t the truth. And even if Noah was a law school drop out who was having a shotgun wedding to his much-older girlfriend, he was still marrying a woman. Gideon’s secret would always be worse.
“So tell me about Yom Kippur,” he said, changing the subject. “Any gossip to report?”
She gave him the back home scoop about who was at temple. And things felt like normal again. Until the silence. The silence that fell on their phone call was a flare shot into the air.
“Gideon, I met a woman at temple. She’s a new member. Very nice woman. She and her husband are very lovely. Her daughter is a freshman at Browerton.”
He slapped his forehead.
“Her name is Hannah. She was at services. She’s very pretty, and a sweet girl. I got her email.” His mom pronounced it e-mail, as if it were still some new high-tech invention. “I’ll send it over. I said that you could give her some advice, or talk to her about Hillel and classes. But now that you aren’t dating Beth…Hannah is a very nice girl.”
Gideon rubbed a hand through his hair, back and forth. And there was the boom.
“Mom,” Gideon said through a hand smacked over his face. “I’m not looking to date right now.”
“Think about it. Hannah was very excited about meeting you. Try one date. With Noah…” Her voice caught in her throat. “I still have a chance to do things right with you.”
“Fine,” Gideon said through gritted teeth.
Φ
Gideon wound up walking over a mile to the Walgreen’s in Duncannon for the lube. He wanted to ensure that he would run into nobody from school. He kept his head down as he entered the store, lest any security cameras caught his face. Gideon buying Astroglide wasn’t exactly material for the five o’clock news, but he didn’t know who would have access to the footage.
When he realized that the store was pretty much empty, he relaxed. He meandered through the rows until he found the sliver of shelf space for personal lubricant. Well, at least if anyone caught him here, he could say that lube was for anyone. It was personal. Not gay, not straight.
He looked both ways, and of course, the lube was on the end of shelf closest to the pharmacy. There were probably pharmacists who scoped out the shelf all day, waiting to see the sinners buying Satan’s product.
Gideon kept his eyes on the prize. Sex with Mac. He had never been this nervous about having sex. Not even his first time.This isn’t just any old sex.It seemed like the culmination of their experimentation. Final exam for geology class, only he didn’t want class to end. His fingers tingled with excitement when they made contact with the Astroglide.
He held it in his hand. In that moment, he didn’t think about what sex would be like. He pictured Mac’s intense sex face, staring back at him with emotion and his sinister grin. He thought of the safety of laying in bed with Mac after it was done, the same warm feeling he had after their past hookups. He let himself stand in the aisle imaging those future memories for a few seconds. It was a relief in a twenty-four hours chock full of Saperstein family drama.
Gideon walked up to the cashier.I can do this. If she asks me anything, I won’t answer.
He didn’t make eye contact with the cashier, a middle-aged woman who seemed too worn down to care that she was ringing up gay lube. This was probably a four on a scale of weirdest shit she’d experienced at Walgreen’s.
“Do you need a bag?” She asked.
Gideon froze.Oh, right. My cue.
