That only seemed to make Coop more twisted with anger. And his reticence made Matty twist with anger as well. They approached the steps by the clock tower welcoming them back to the safety of campus. Matty wondered how many more minutes of silence he could stand with Coop.
He was walking with a ghost. The Ghost of String Cheese. Now Matty got why Coop only gave him non-answers about high school.
“So the guy was a jerk. Or asshole. Let’s go with asshole. So what if he called you names. I got teased plenty in high school and junior high, and elementary school. Even nursery school. Don’t give him this satisfaction.”
Coop nodded, but it didn’t get through. He marched up Susquehanna Avenue, the main road of campus, undeterred.
“Kids used to avoid touching me because of ‘Matty germs.’” Matty wished that Coop would have a reaction that wasn’t about himself. Matty hadn’t thought about or talked about Matty germs in years. It was buried behind a fortress of strength and intelligence. “If they did touch me, in class or something, they’d run around at recess saying they had Matty germs. And in high school, some kids started an I Hate Matty Facebook page. The school called a meeting with my parents and everything.” The pain from those memories came crashing back, but if it helped get Coop to open up, then it was worth it.
“They’re assholes. I wish I could go to Dallas and kick all their asses for you.”
“They’re in the past.” Matty reached down for Coop’s hand. His fingers willed Coop’s hand to touch.
“How can you just talk about that stuff?” Coop asked. “Doesn’t it make you angry?”
“More hurt than angry. It still hurts, but I learned long ago that I couldn’t let their words hold me back. First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
“That’s beautiful.”
“My dad said that. Well, he got it from Gandhi.” Matty squeezed his hand.
The guys continued the rest of the way up north hands together, in silence, but a better kind of silence. A silence they could both share rather than one that put a wall between them.
They went back to Matty’s dorm room since Rafe would probably be asleep in Coop’s. Coop surveyed the details of the single, touching a paperweight, holding a picture frame up to his face, flipping his fingers through the textbooks stacked next to his desk. Matty realized Coop was the only guest he had in here, and he felt exposed. The good kind of exposed.This is me.
“Do you want to sit?”
The springs reacted to Coop’s bulk.There is a guy on my bed.Matty took in the beautiful sight.
“Comfy bed.” Coop smiled, and he seemed to be same old Coop. Or at least, that’s how he wanted to appear, but Matty knew better. “Thanks for cheering me up.”
Except he wasn’t cheered up. He slathered on another coat of veneer, right after Matty stripped one of his away.
“What were you like in high school?” Matty asked, armed crossed, answers awaiting.
“That’s quite a question.” Coop wiped his hands on his pants.
“Coop.” Matty wasn’t going to let him deflect.
“You heard that guy. They all called me String Cheese. I was skinny, pale, no muscle. They teased me, laughed at me, pushed me around in the locker room. Not as bad as you, but it was still shitty all the same. I dreaded school. That’s how I felt in Kelvin’s apartment. It’s the worst feeling when you can’t do anything, and you just have to take it. All this,” Coop motioned to his sculpted arms and chest. “And then when my dad lost his job, I felt even more powerless. My parents had these permanently worried looks on their faces. It was like our family was being bullied. It all just made me realize that there are these forces out there that are so much stronger than us that we can’t beat.
“I started transforming my body the summer after graduation. I went to the gym twice a day. I bought protein powder and cut out carbs. I got inked. I wasn’t going to let myself be powerless. I wanted to fight back, somehow. I wasn’t going to start a new chapter as fucking String Cheese.”
Coop’s face was red with anger, his wrists pulled so tight they were white. Matty wanted to give him a hug, but knew this wasn’t the time. He hoped just being here with him was enough.
“I’m—”
“Don’t say you’re sorry. I don’t want pity.”
“You can tell me these things. Sometimes, it’s good just to talk it out.” “Would you have been into me if I told you I was a complete loser in high school? That I couldn’t even get a girl to go with me to senior prom as a friend?”
“Yes!” Matty said on reflex, but he wondered how true that was. Would the truth have ruined the mystique that originally surrounded Coop? Did Matty like that he was friends, and now more, with a popular guy? Coop vulnerable on his bed made his heart swell with emotion, and it was sexier than his cool guy persona. “I like this Coop better, the one who isn’t trying to be perfect.”
“I wanted it in the past. We don’t have to go around telling everyone our deepest, darkest secret. I’m not going to be like my roommate who has zero boundaries. Boundaries are good.”
Coop fell back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. Matty could almost hear his armor dropping away.
“The past doesn’t matter anymore,” Matty said. “The best revenge is living well.”
