“Yeah?”
“I don’t want you to move to Los Angeles.”
Cameron looked to Walker for an appropriate response. Walker wanted him to be on his own for this one.
“I’m going to miss you, Hobie. But I promise I’ll visit, and we’ll Skype. I’m going to be the development executive covering the King Dandelion saga.”
“Go to bed, buddy. We’ll talk in the morning.” Walker closed the door.
He marched to his bedroom, didn’t wait for Cameron. He undressed into his pajama bottoms. His throat dried up like a sponge in the sun.
“He’ll be okay,” Cameron said, a little bit statement and a little bit question.
Walker faced the window. Cameron’s reflection looked back at him. “Hobie and I aren’t going to go to your mock graduation. In the morning, you should say your final goodbye.”
Cameron’s reflection didn’t move. He was waiting for Walker to face him. You didn’t throw down a decision like that without eye contact.
“Hobie and I?” Cameron asked.
The pain continued to weigh him down.Doug was right.He would never say those words aloud, but they bellowed in his head.
“Hearing him ask you to stay tonight broke my heart. It’s only going to get worse.” Walker paced in front of his mirrored closet doors. “And let’s be honest. You’re not going to visit or Skype.”
“So Doug was right?”
“Don’t say that.”
“You’re the one saying that.”
“Because it’s true!” Walker burst out. “What do you always say? No looking back?”
Cameron glanced down for a second. Walker was right, and he knew it.
“Let’s not do this. Let’s watch a movie and cool down.” Cameron pulled out his phone and opened the Netflix app.
“Why do you always do that? Watching something won’t fix this. This problem isn’t going away with a jaunty score.” Walker pointed at his phone. “That shit just makes you numb. Did it help to have the TV on when your dad walked out?”
“Fuck you!” His voice wobbled with emotion. All of Cameron’s cool faded away. “I’m not used to this, okay? I didn’t plan for my first real relationship to be with a guy with a 401k and a son. This started as a fling. We both said this was going to be a fling.”
“Things change.”
“I know!” Cameron did his best to keep his voice down, but Walker could tell it was a losing battle. “We’ll find a way to stay in touch.”
“I don’t want to stay in touch.” Walker said those words like they were a slur. Staying in touch was for classroom acquaintances, people you wanted to network with in the future. “I love you, Cameron.”
He searched Cameron’s eyes for an answer, but there was so much going on behind his baby blues, so many conflicting feelings.
“I’m not ready to be a desperate housewife! I’m twenty-two!”
“Something like this doesn’t come along every day. I’ve been in love and I’ve been married, but I’veneverfelt anything like what we have. You’ve changed my life, Cameron. And I know underneath your sarcasm and Hollywood hopes, you’re scared. Scared that you feel it, too.”
“My parents felt it, too. And then my dad left.”
“Is that going to be you?”
Cameron’s eyes bulged. It was a low blow comparing him to his dad, but Walker couldn’t stop what came out of his mouth. His heart had the controls.
Cameron knelt on the bed so he was eye level with Walker. “I’ve had this plan, this dream, since I was a kid. It’s been my passion, and everything I’ve done to push myself and excel has been because of this dream.” He grabbed Walker’s cheeks, rubbed a finger over his beard. “I love you, Walker. But I love my dream, too. No matter what I choose, I’ll have to wonder ‘What if,’ and you don’t realize how hard that is.”
