He gives my cock a good long stroke that makes my eyes roll back. “I’ve been dreaming of being railed by you since that first time, and I barely even saw it. Now I’m just wondering how long you want to drag this shower out before you can take me to bed.”
With great difficulty—because I’m only human and Constantine has skills—I grab his hand and bring it to my lips. “I want to lose myself in your body more than I’ve ever wanted anything, Constantine. But I want you to be there with me. Ifwe do this, I need to know you’re not using me to hide from anything.”
He runs his hands over my chest, stopping at the tattoo I have over my heart. A word cloud of the names of everyone in my family.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like that.” His eyes meet mine. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”
“How do you feel?”
“Like everything is so heavy, but one look at your smile, and it all evaporates.”
I swallow dry, tracing his jaw with my thumb.
“My mom was always a little wild. She looked after me, but she didn’t care if I went to school or got good grades. She wanted a friend, not a son.” He releases a choked laugh. “When I was in elementary school, I was jealous of my friends who got in trouble with their parents and couldn’t come out to play. Sometimes, I’d go to my friends’ houses, and when their moms said they were grounded, I asked if I could stay anyway.”
“You wanted to experience boundaries.”
He nods. “That’s where I got my love for cooking and baking. My friends’ parents would make dinner and tell me all about it. Eventually, I started helping and wanting to know more. As soon as I was old enough to go to culinary school on a scholarship, I left. Leo was a baby, and by then, the next-door neighbor was his regular babysitter, so I didn’t think he wouldn’t be looked after.”
Constantine pauses, so I run the water over us to get rid of the soap and turn it off.
“Come on, let’s finish this in bed.”
“No. I want to do it here because once we’re out there, I want to be with you. No ghosts of the past or responsibilities.”
“Okay. Let me at least wrap you in a warm towel.”
He chuckles. “Thanks. So, while I was gone, I kept in touch. I sent money I saved from working in restaurant kitchens andmade sure Mom was taking care of Leo. My goal was to make a name for myself and then get Leo to come live with me. Out of the blue, my mom disappeared with Leo. No one knew where they were. I was in Europe at the time and came back. Moved all over the country taking temporary cooking jobs while I looked for them. When I found them, they were back in LA. Leo barely remembered me and couldn’t tell me where they’d been. I stayed close to them until there was an opportunity to work at a Michelin-star restaurant in London. Mom didn’t want Leo to come with me, so he stayed. I returned when Leo called me saying Mom had decided to move to Florida without him.”
“Fuck, Constantine. That must have been so hard for you.”
“No. I love my brother.”
“I know that. But you also loved your job, and it couldn’t have been easy giving up your dream because of your flaky mother. Sorry.”
He chuckles. “You’re right. She’s flaky but not a bad person. She probably shouldn’t have had kids, that’s all.”
“I’m glad she had you. And Leo. I’ve become quite attached to both of you.” I wrap the fluffy towel around him like a burrito and hold him tight.
He sighs. “Let me finish this so we can get naked…more naked.”
“Okay, go on.”
“After Mom left, Leo got sick. The doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong until they did some tests and discovered he was HIV positive. That was a year ago. The doctors don’t know how he got it. There’s no indication that he was ever exposed to anyone with HIV, but he did have a blood transfusion when they were in a car accident when he was ten.”
“Medical negligence?”
He shrugs. “Who knows. I was really angry in the beginning. Angry with my mom, the system, anything. Until I figured the best thing I could do was be there for Leo.”
“So when I was pestering you to come save my coffee shop, you were busy saving your brother instead.”
“Yeah. Sorry.”
I smile and kiss his head. “Nothing to be sorry for. What’s his status?”
“Undetectable. His current meds are working. It’s everything else that’s been really hard. He’s a kid, Julius. He struggles with it, and I struggle because I can’t take it away from him.” He pauses. “When I saw him dancing with his friends tonight…it was the first time I’ve seen him have fun. I caught a glimpse of the person I want him to be—HIV or no HIV.”
“That night downstairs, I caught a glimpse of you, Constantine. I’ve been addicted to it ever since. I want more of it. I want to help you carry that load and be there for Leo.”
