I laughed. “Yes, that’s right. This is it, except there’s no breakup. It’s just a pause, okay? The conversation with Victoria forced me to face some truths about myself.” The admission tasted bittersweet on my tongue. “And I need some time to work through it all. You deserve the best of me, and I can’t be the best for you if I don’t trust myself.”
Understanding dawned in his eyes, but it did nothing to ease the tension that wired his frame.
“You’ve already done so much for me,” I continued, each word etched with the guilt of a thousand apologies. “But I have to make one more selfish request. Will you wait for me?”
“As long as you need.”
Those five words were everything. I had no doubt I would come back to him, but if I didn’t stand on my own two feet, I would never be the man River deserved.
“Thank you,” I managed to choke out.
As I stepped back, putting physical distance between us, I held on to the trust he placed in me. He would be here, waiting for my return.
He followed me as I went to his room—our room—and filled a duffel bag with as many clothes as I could fit, not particularly caring if they were mine or his.
“Adam,” his voice finally broke through.
My hands trembled as I drew the zipper closed. I hoisted the bag over my shoulder, the weight of it less than the burden of walking away, yet somehow more meaningful.
“It’s just a pause,” I repeated, more as a reassurance to myself than anything.
“Where will you stay?”
“I’ll be with Lex and Emery.”
I stopped by the door and turned around. I didn’t want to do this, but I needed to.
“I love you,” he said.
I love you too.
34
RIVER
Istared at the cooling coffee in the mug in front of me. It didn’t taste the same anymore. Nothing did.
I used to crave my days off, but now my apartment felt too empty without Adam. I glanced at my phone again, but I knew if I went to work, Fir would follow through on his promise to change all the locks in the restaurant at his own cost.
But what the fuck could I do at home on my own? I didn’t feel like reading because I would want to talk to Adam about it. I didn’t feel like cooking because I couldn’t save the leftovers for him.
Was that the reason he’d left? Did he feel like he needed space from me?
He said it was to figure himself out, but what if I was the problem?
I stood and dropped the mug in the sink.
You just miss him. You promised you’d wait, so grow a fucking pair and go out there and get some fresh air.
It had been a month since Adam left. Four weeks, and we’d only seen each other when he met his parents for lunch at therestaurant once. I’d watched him from afar, too afraid to get any closer and end up begging him to come back.
Drew had been a true friend and had reassured me Adam seemed okay.
We’d exchanged text messages, and sometimes it was like nothing had happened, while other times, I could tell he was still working through stuff.
I couldn’t complain that I had no communication with him, but I needed more than words on a screen.
I’d promised to fight for him, but what had I done? I’d let him go, and I’d waited. I’d buried myself in work as if that could help fill the void where Adam should be.
