Adam’s eyes met mine, and I saw the shadows beneath them. His hair was tousled, likely from running his fingers through it. Whatever conversation he’d had with Victoria, it had left its mark.
He took slow steps toward where I stood, rooted to the spot. As soon as he was within reaching distance, I wrapped him in a tight hug. He turned his head to face me, and it hit me again, the same way I knew it would for the rest of my life, how much I fucking loved this man.
I’d tried to talk myself out of it. It was a crush. Much like the grass always seems greener on the other side, I’d hoped thathaving Adam reciprocate my affection wouldn’t feel as perfect as it had in my head.
I’d been wrong. So fucking wrong.
“I talked to Victoria,” he began, pausing to gauge my reaction.
“Okay,” I replied cautiously.
“It clarified a lot of things for me,” he admitted.
“Adam…”
He paused, his eyes meeting mine with a mixture of weariness and expectancy. “What is it?”
With a resolve that felt precarious at best, I reached into my back pocket. The paper crinkled as I drew it out. “Before you go on,” I began, “there’s something you need to know.” My hand trembled slightly as I offered him the letter.
Adam took the envelope with a furrowed brow. He unfolded the letter, eyes scanning the words I’d penned in a moment of courage that now seemed like a distant memory.
As he read, his expression shifted, confusion knitting his brows. He looked up at me. “River, this is a resignation letter. You’re leaving Lusitana?”
“No…or not right now.”
“Then why do you have this?”
I began, my voice barely above a whisper, “Before your wedding, I…I made a decision.” My gaze found his, holding steady. “I was planning to leave the restaurant and Cliffborough.”
His eyes widened slightly, and I saw the gears turning behind the deep blue.
“Leave? For what?”
“Travel. I planned to explore the world, see new places, taste new foods. I wanted to open myself up to opportunities.”
“You don’t think you have opportunities here?” he asked.
“Not the kind I needed.” My laugh was short, self-deprecating. “It was the only solution I could think of to find a way to cope…move on.”
“Cope? With what?” He leaned in, concern etching lines around his eyes.
“With you getting married,” I said, pushing past the lump in my throat. “With Victoria. With the thought of you belonging to someone else completely.”
The silence that followed was heavy. I watched as understanding dawned, as he realized the depth of what I’d been hiding beneath the surface of our everyday interactions.
“River,” he breathed out, and there was a world of emotion in the way he said my name. It sounded like a plea, a question, and a revelation all at once.
“After the wedding, I thought I would never need to use this letter. But last night, seeing you with Victoria, not knowing what would happen today… I realized you need to know the truth. I don’t want to hide this from you, and I know I might lose you, but I’m also not going to let you go without a fight.”
“Truth? About what?”
“About how much you mean to me, Adam. From the moment we met, you’ve been my everything. First, you were my friend, then the first person I came out to. We grew up, and all of a sudden, whenever you laughed, my belly tightened. I noticed how beautiful you were.” I brought my hand up to cradle his cheek. “I noticed how sometimes you bite your nails when trying to figure out what to say or how your hair never seems to stay as tidy as Lex’s, even when it starts out the same. I love you, Adam. I have for so long that I don’t remember what it’s like to not love you.”
A small tear fell down his cheek. I leaned over and kissed it, tasting the salty liquid on my tongue.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I understand that your conversation with Victoria may have changed things for you, so you need to know that what we’ve been doing hasn’t meant nothing to me. It’s meant the fucking world. It’s been the sip of water I’ve been searching for in the desert I’ve lived in for years.”
33
