“Don’t you see it? You’re so desperate to have the house with the white picket fence and the two-point-five children that you ignore all the red flags. You did it with me, and if you don’t pay attention, you’ll do it with River.”
“Are you saying River is a red flag?” What the fuck?
“Not him,” she said. “The way you need other people is. You… You’re the red flag, Adam.”
That stopped me cold. I was the problem? Not her betrayal, not her secrets, but me and my need for something more in my life? My breath hitched, and I felt like the ground beneath me was shifting, unsteady.
“Victoria,” I started, but the words lodged in my throat. There was nothing left to say. She had made her choice, and now, she had made her point.
“Goodbye, Victoria,” I said finally. I stood and left the house without a single look back. I didn’t take a breath until I was in my car.
I drove aimlessly at first, the city lights blurring. Victoria’s words echoed in my head. Red flags. Desperation. The accusation stung because I was afraid she was right. Was I jumping from one wrong relationship into another?
Last time, I’d lost Victoria, but I still had my family and my best friend. If things didn’t work out with River, who would I have left?
I wouldn’t lose my family, but a split would be as hard for them as it would be for me. River would also lose a family, which wasn’t fair to him.
There was no going home now, not with the storm of emotions threatening to engulf me. So, on autopilot, I found myself pulling up to Lex’s house.
All the lights were off, so maybe they weren’t home yet from the event. I pulled out my phone and called Lex.
“Adam?” he answered sleepily. His voice was laced with confusion. “What’s up? It’s late.”
Fuck, how long had I been driving around?
“Can I crash at your place?” My voice was hoarse, almost foreign to my own ears.
“Of course,” he said without hesitation, and I could hear the concern threading his tone.
When I reached his door, it swung open before I could knock. Lex stood there, his hair tousled from sleep, wearing an old Cliffborough High sweatshirt.
“Come here,” he said softly, pulling me into a grounding hug. “Talk to me,” Lex urged.
His place was a reflection of his great love story. The walls that had been bare months ago before Emery came back into his life were now filled with photos again.
My brothers gave me hope that great love was possible. Even Noah, who seemed to have sworn off it, was now more than happily married. He’d showed me that when you found your person, you could have your world flipped upside down and be happier for it.
I sank onto the couch, the leather cool against my skin. Lex sat beside me, close enough to be comforting yet giving me space to breathe.
“I spoke to Victoria. She said things about me, about River, but mostly me. She cheated, Lex. And now she’s saying I’m…I’m the problem. That I hold on too hard and don’t see the red flags.”
“Adam,” he said, his voice steady. “Wanting to love and be loved isn’t a red flag. “River has been your safe harbor in all the times you’ve needed him. Maybe what’s happening is the culmination of years of building your relationship.”
“But that’s the thing. How can I be sure I didn’t just fall into his bed because I was hurt and had no one else? How do I know it’s real? How do I not hurt him?” My throat threatened to close up as my thoughts spiraled in the wrong direction.
“Hey. First, listen to your heart, not what that woman said. Second, get some rest,” Lex said, standing to fetch a blanket. “We’ll figure this out in the morning.”
“Thanks,” I murmured as he draped the blanket over me.
As Lex retreated to his room, I closed my eyes, not to sleep, but to picture River’s face, his smile, his body, his kindness, his sense of humor, his taste in music.
Before sleep took me under, I had enough presence of mind to send him a message.
Adam
I’m at Lex’s. Can we talk tomorrow after your shift?
His reply came immediately, and the thought that he might have been waiting by his phone for me to call upset me. I felt bad for causing him to worry, but also happy that I still had someone who cared that much.
