“Have you—” he hesitated like he was weighing his question. “Have you ever tried…hooking up? Was it different for you?”
“I did. College life, remember?” He shrugged. “But it felt hollow. Experimenting taught me something crucial—I cravedepth. A connection that isn’t just about how someone looks, but about how he makes me feel.”
“Is that what you’re looking for now?” His gaze pierced through the defenses I’d been building since the moment in the blue room.
“Isn’t that what we all want?” I asked, my heart drumming against my ribs. “To be seen and understood beyond the superficial?”
He nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered, almost to himself. “Beyond the superficial.”
My heart clenched at those words, at the raw honesty in his tone, like he truly got it. Was he just reaffirming our friendship, or was there something else, something deeper, simmering beneath the surface?
“River,” he said cautiously, “when we talk about connections, about depth…do you ever think that maybe?—”
“Maybe what?” I turned to face him fully, his eyes searching, questioning, almost imploring.
“Wehave that connection, right?” His hand reached out, hovering in the air before resting nervously on my chest. The touch was electric, even through the layers of fabric.
“Of course. You’re my best friend,” I reassured him. Or maybe I was reassuring myself. A reminder that’s all we were, even if right now, with Adam so close again, I was on the brink of testing my resolve.
“What if…?” he whispered.
My heart hammered against my ribcage, ready to burst out. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, acutely aware of how this conversation could shift the very foundation of our friendship.
“It’s just that…” Adam’s voice faltered, and he took a deep breath. “Lately, I’ve been feeling something… Something new. Different.”
CODE RED. CODE RED.
“New and different how?” I prompted, stepping closer.
“As in, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Not like this.”
His confession hung in the air as I stood motionless, my entire being focused on the man before me. The fear and longing playing in his eyes that all of a sudden wasn’t just my best friend Adam. He was the man I admired for his resilience, empathy, work ethic, kindness.
“Adam…” I started, trying to keep my voice as steady as I could. “I need you to remember that I’m gay, and you’re…you’re too close. You’re confusing me.”
A small smile curled his lips, and he licked them before dragging his teeth along his bottom lip.
“You know exactly what you’re doing, don’t you?” I asked.
“I don’t. I’m so out of my league here, but…I want to try.”
He leaned forward until his nose touched mine. My breath caught in my throat. I was too afraid to make a sudden move so I closed my eyes, waiting for the inevitable.
Please…
“May I kiss you, River?”
His barely-there voice was all the consent I needed.
I closed the little space between us and pressed my lips against his. It was a tentative brush at first. Questioning. Giving him the option to pull back.
When he didn’t, my heart clenched, and I allowed myself to lean into the kiss, deepening it and leaving no room for doubt.
Adam’s lips were as soft as I’d remembered, but even in my wildest fantasies, I never thought it could be like this. He pressed me against the wall, taking over. His hands wrapped around my neck, keeping me steadily in place as he took everything he wanted.
The unmistakable feel of a hard cock against mine had my eyes rolling to the back of my head. My brain became mush as I let him guide the kiss, taste me, ravish me.
I knew that once in his life, and now at least twice, it was clear Adam had no issues kissing a guy, but I was still too afraid to flip things over in case he realized what he was doing and stopped. Because I wanted remember this kiss for the rest of my life for all the good reasons. I was selfish like that.
