The conversation with Drew was stuck on repeat in my head.
All the what-ifs flew around my mind giving me glimpses of hope but also moments of desperation. Imagining Adam’s reaction to finding out his best friend wasn’t the person he thought.
Would he feel betrayed that I’d kept this secret from him? Because I’d basically been living my life pretending to be just Adam’s best friend. He’d accepted my friendship with the knowledge that that’s all it was.
As I got into my car to drive home, I was still unclear about what to do, but one thing was certain, I didn’t have to do anything.
In a few more weeks, Adam would start looking for a place to live, and when he was no longer filling my space with all the amazing things that were Adam, I’d start to move on. Maybe I’d even pick up my travel plans.
The light in the living room was on when I pulled into the driveway. Adam was usually asleep when I came home from working the closing shift at the restaurant, so I was immediately worried.
I rushed inside to find Adam surrounded by boxes, sitting on the floor with a stack of photos in his hand.
“No one prints photos anymore,” he said, his voice devoid of emotion. “I did it in the beginning because I wanted to have a memory photo album like my grandmother and parents have. I always asked about the people who had been important enough in my family’s life that they got their picture taken. Not only that, they made it into an actual album. It’s interesting, right?”
I removed my shoes and dropped my jacket and keys on the couch before sitting next to him.
“What happened?”
“After lunch with my parents I decided to go back to Victoria’s apartment for my stuff. I’d never realized until then how little I had there.”
He looked at me, confusion and hurt all over his face.
“I had a whole apartment filled with things that were mine before I moved in with her, but somehow, without me noticing, those things made their way to goodwill, or they were sold. This is my whole life, River.” He pointed at the boxes. “I’m thirty years old, and my life fits in a few boxes.”
I took the photos from his hand, put them on the coffee table, and then held both his hands in mine. “These are just material things, Adam.You,the essence of Adam Spencer, is the memories you make or the way in which you were dealt a shitty hand and turned it into a Vegas jackpot.”
He shook his head like he didn’t believe what I was saying.
“You are more than this, okay? You will rebuild your life just the way you want it, and this time, you’re not going to settle for anything less than being swept off your feet by someone who can love you the same way you’re capable of loving others. With that person, you’re going to pick what you take into the next stage of your life and what you let go of.”
He squeezed my hands back and nodded.
“Come here.” I pulled him into my lap, which wasn’t easy since we were practically the same size. I opened the drawer in the coffee table and pulled out my old iPod—remembering how I’d teased Adam in Hawaii for still using his when I’d known where mine was and still used it occasionally. I pressed the button and thanked old technology for longer-lasting battery life.
I put one of the earbuds in Adam’s ear and the other in mine and pressed play. I didn’t have to pick a song. They were all good. The songs we’d picked together over the years.
My own feelings were set aside to return to a place I hadn’t been for so long that I’d almost forgotten it once existed.
River and Adam’s Awesome Playlist.
I stayed still until the battery gave up the ghost.
“Thank you, River,” Adam said, leaning against the door to his room after we’d left everything behind in the living room.
“Any time.”
He turned around to go inside. “Love you.”
My breath caught for a split second before I managed, “Love you back.”
16
ADAM
Ihesitated, my hand hovering over River’s bedroom door.
After my breakdown last night, I’d slept like a baby. When my alarm clock went off this morning, I couldn’t move.
