“Oh great. We have a party,” I said. “If you came for the food, you’re shit out of luck because I forgot to go grocery shopping, and now I’m too drunk to drive to the store.”
I pointed at them. “Did you know that there are no decent grocery stores within walking distance from here? Someone should open a grocery store in downtown. We’re people too, you know?” I poured another two…maybe four, fingers of rum into the glass. Was rum measured in fingers? “How do you measure rum? Is it still a rum and Coke if you want it with Coke but don’t have any?”
They all shared funny looks.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“You called Code Red?” Adam said.
“Where’s Lior?” Lex asked.
I scoffed. “Probably marrying Pish.”
“Who?”
“His ex. Did you know they almost got married?” I pointed at my wedding ring but then realized I’d taken it off. I stared at my hand, wiggling my fingers. “I miss it. I don’t like it naked.”
Adam came around the kitchen island and guided me back to the couch.
“I’ll order some food,” Ellie said. “I think we’re gonna need it.”
“Maybe more booze,” Adam added. “Noah doesn’t do emotional crisis. This is very unsettling.”
“Noah doesn’t do emotions,” I mimicked in a fake Adam voice. “Noah doesn’t emote. Doesn’t even emo.”
“Sure, sure,” River said.
They all pulled up chairs and cushions and sat around me like we were about to have a come-to-Jesus moment.
“What happened, Noah?” Lex asked.
“I fell in love with my husband. That’s what happened.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Adam chuckled.
“It is when you’re not supposed to have feeeelings. It’s not my fault, okay? He’s just so, so…sexy and big.” I leaned forward, wiggling my eyebrows. “Likebig, big. And he always smells so nice I just want to crawl into his lap and take naps.”
“Again, not a bad thing to feel for your husband.”
“It’s bad. Terrible. Catosphrotic. Catastrotic. Fuck, I’ve drank too much.”
“Catastrophic?” Ellie offered.
“Yeah, that one.”
“You’ll be fine. There’s a shit ton of pizza on the way, and I don’t want anyone moaning about toppings.” She kneeled by my chair. “What’s going on, sweetie?”
Emery snorted.
“Shush you, I’m doing my best here,” she said.
I looked into her eyes. She had that kind of inviting face like my elementary school teacher, where we’d confess everything we’d done before she even asked.
“I love him.”
“You already said that. We need a little more context.”
I reached over to the drawer on the coffee table where I’d stuffed the stupid newspaper and took it out.
