“Me too. I wasn’t sure…if you’re gay like me or…?”
“I don't know what I am,” I confess because he’s just told me something so big, and I want to tell him about me too. “I think I like boys more. I like you a lot more than more. But I think girls are pretty too.”
“I like that you like me too.”
We kiss again, and deep down, my gut tells me I’ll never want to kiss anyone else in my life. It’s a scary thought to have at sixteen, but fuck it. When you know, you know.
Later, when I wake up, Tyler’s staring at me.
“You snore.”
I push his shoulder until he’s flat on his back with me on top of him.
“Do not.”
“Do too.”
I kiss him to shut him up, and we end up making out again.
We never make it to the pool.
“Will you ever leave me?” Ty asks while we’re cuddling on the bed.
“No, never.”
“Okay, but what if you have to because, I don’t know, you’re kidnapped and taken to another country, and they convince you that’s your real family.”
“Still no.”
“How do you know?”
“Because if I leave you, I will always find my way back to you.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
9
MIK
NOW
I get soakedto the bone on my way home. It probably doesn’t help that, in addition to the heavy rain, my brain is so scrambled from seeing Tyler—kissing Tyler—that I can’t even keep a steady pace.
So many times, I find myself stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, thinking about his lips, how he tasted, how he clung to me. At least there was no one out in the rain. I saw a few curtains twitching, probably someone wondering who’s the nutjob outside their house staring at nothing.
I wasn’t as far from home as I previously thought. The houses on my street are bigger and clearly owned by people with money, but we’re not that removed from the almost derelict houses by the church.
I remove my clothes and drop everything in the laundry room sink, shoes and all, before walking up to my bedroom. Kay isn’t home, so I don’t have to traipse through the house in wet clothes to get undressed in private.
The house is toasty warm thanks to the clearer instructions Stone wrote down for me, but today, I don’t need the additional warmth.
I jump in the shower before the water heats. I need to feel something other than this guttural yearning for more. I’m supposed to be angry with Tyler.
He fucking ghosted me. He let me go without a fight.
The freezing cold water hitting my skin is so painful it spurs my anger. I want to go back in time and not kiss him. I want to go back and see in his eyes, not the boy I loved but the man I don’t.
