“I met Fletcher at a charity bachelor auction. He won me and was so forward about his intentions that I took an instant dislike to him, even though he was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. A few months later, I moved to Stillwater with my ex and daughter.” He takes another sip of his cocoa. “Guess who also lived in Stillwater? Guess whose kid was in my daughter’s class? Let’s just say we had a rocky start, but we found our way to each other in the end.”
“What he means is that he was mine from the moment I bought him. He just took the longest time to figure out it was nonnegotiable. He’s mine forever,” Fletcher says, coming out of the cabin with his own drink and settling against Harrison’s side.
They really look like they’re in love. The kind of in love that you’d give up anything for.
The kind I’m not sure I ever had with Mel, no matter how much I loved her.
I look out at Curtis and the kids. They’ve rolled three giant balls of snow that Curtis stacked to make the snowman. Megan is sticking in the twigs to make the arms, and George is holding up a scarf and tie to Curtis, who looks like he’s pondering the most important decision of his life.
The guys next to me talk about their plans to sneak the kids’ Christmas presents under the tree that night. They also talk about some of the arrangements for their wedding.
It sounds so natural and domestic. I feel like I’m intruding in their personal space, so I keep quiet and observe the person turning my world upside down and making me consider a new start at forty-six.
Harrison’s phone rings, but Fletcher takes it out of his hand before he has a chance to pick it up.
“Stella, honey, we need to talk,” he says.
Harrison rolls his eyes.
“Is that Mommy?” Megan asks, running up the steps to meet us.
“It is, sweetheart,” Fletcher says. “Do you want to talk to her?”
“Yes, please.”
Megan takes the phone and runs back down the steps, apparently changing to a video call so her mom can see their snowman-making efforts.
“What’s the point of being best friends with your ex-wife if you can’t get past your fiancé to even say hello?” Harrison jokes, shaking his head at Fletcher.
“Stella and I have a lot of understandings.”
Harrison rolls his eyes. “I bet.”
“Wait. Your ex is a woman?” I ask before I realize how rude and inappropriate I sound. “I’m so sorry. That was out of line and not my business.”
Harrison smiles. “Apology accepted. Yes, I’m bisexual, and so is Fletcher. We’re used to people assuming we’re gay because we’re in a relationship. It’s okay.”
I nod. I always tell my team that if they have anything they need to talk about, they can talk to me. Family, personal, or school issues. It’s sometimes easier to open up to a stranger than to someone you’re too close to.
Curtis drapes a pink scarf carefully around the snowman.
Could I talk to these two guys? They’ve been with women. Maybe they understand this confusion, transition, or whatever this is going on inside me.
“You look like you’re thinking too hard about something,” Harrison says.
“Um…yeah. God, I don’t know how to say this or why I’m even saying it. I’m straight. Or at least I’ve always considered myself straight. I was married for twenty-three years and never once looked at another person. And now?” I bring my hands to the bridge of my nose.
“You’re attracted to someone who isn’t a woman,” Harrison says, glancing at Curtis.
I nod.
“Someone I never expected I’d be attracted to.” I look at Curtis, too. “How can I get to my age and not know I’m attracted to men?”
“Are you attracted to men? Am I attractive to you? Or Fletcher?”
I think about it. Yes, they’re good-looking, like most of the men I’ve worked with throughout my career, but there’s no other reaction. My body doesn’t feel anything. I don’t feel anything.
“No.”
