I shake my head. “Anyway.He.You know…”
She’s staring at me. Her eyes narrow, and then it hits her.
“Oh! Your coach. Gotcha.” She whispers. “He’s there…there?”
I roll my eyes. “You don’t need to whisper. He’s not here in this cabin. He’s in the cabin next door.”
“How do you know? Did you see him through the window?”
“Ugh. Worse.” I cover my face with my hands.
“Wait a minute.”
She disappears off the screen and comes back a moment later with a bag of chips.
“You’re unbelievable.”
She stuffs a few chips into her mouth. “Nope. I’m just interested, and I want all the details so I can play matchmaker when I get there.”
“You’ll do no such thing, Jordana Silva,” I say, full-naming her to convey the seriousness of the situation.
She laughs. “Go on, tell me what happened.”
So I tell her about how Coach came to rescue me and the suitcase and how he turned down my offer of the most delicious, and in my opinion, un-refusable hot cocoa.
“Wait, you told a man you believe to be straight about the collection of dildos you’re traveling with?”
I shrug. “Yes…? I’m such a mess.”
“Oh, honey. You’re not a mess. You just…love too easily. Actually, that’s not right. You pick a person to love, and that’s it. They’re yours. It’s what makes you, you, and I never want you to change.”
I sag on the chair. “But I know I’m barking up the wrong tree with the coach. Hell, I’m probably barking up the wrong forest. It’s just that sometimes there’s something in his eyes that tells me he wants something. He just doesn’t know what it is.”
Juju finishes her wine. “You know my opinion on the fluidity of love. You never know. Maybe your coach might not even realize he’s flowing toward you.”
“Maybe…” I sigh.
“Gotta go, but keep me updated.” She winks and then disconnects the call.
I walk up to the window that faces Coach’s cabin. The curtains are closed, but I can see light through a little crack in the middle.
Is he going to spend Christmas on his own? I didn’t have a chance to ask.
Outside, snow lightly falls. I look up at the sky.
“What do I do, Grandma? Why do I feel like this particular man is the one I can give my heart to? I know what you’re gonna say.He’s older,and one day, you’ll be left on your own again. But what if this is my chance to be happy? To be loved? Doesn’t that count? Isn’t a few years of one hundred percent love more important than loads of years of fifty percent?”
I close the curtain and go to the main bedroom to take a shower. I’ve always liked really hot showers, even living somewhere warm like LA. Somehow, I feel more refreshed afterward, but in the cold weather, they really warm me.
As the steam builds around me, I can’t stop thinking about the way Coach held on to my arms to save me from slipping on the tiles in the school.
His grip was strong, but it wasn’t painful. I wish he’d run his hands over my body.
Goosebumps appear all over as I imagine how shy he’d be at first before he found his confidence, but then there would be no stopping him. He’d take charge, touching me everywhere, putting me at his mercy.
I reach for the soap to wash my body. My dick is so hard that I know a few strokes would make me come. This is so wrong. All these thoughts about a man I can’t have.
But then there was his laughter when he bumped his head.
