Sky looks up at me, and I feel that I'm seeing him for the first time in a very long time.
When I thought I saw him at the bar, I hadn't.
When I thought I saw him on the pavement outside Noah's house, I hadn't.
Maybe I almost saw him that night in Fairlington, but I didn't.
Even as we shared something so intimate moments ago, I still didn't see him.
But I see him now.
"I'm sorry I said those things to Blake. I panicked. He came to me, asking if you were seeing someone. I wanted to say,me, you were with me, but I wanted to come out to you first, so I said no. He just wanted to hook up with you. He said he thought you were cute, but just to mess around with because his parents would never accept him if they knew he was with a guy. I couldn’t stand the thought that you’d do all those first-time things with someone who didn’t care for you as much as I did. I wanted those first-time things for us." He looks down again. "So, I told him you were boring, ugly, and fat. I was stupid and thought saying those things would make him back off, which it did, so I don't regret saying it because if he really liked you, what I said wouldn't have mattered. And you deserved someone who wasn't hiding, who didn't just use you and keep you a secret…I waited for you all night."
"But I'd left."
He nods. "It took me a few days to try to see you because we had some issues with the cows. When I finally went to your place and your mom told me you'd left, I was heartbroken. She said you'd be back soon, and we'd have a chance to make up."
"But I didn't come back."
"You did eventually." This time Sky's smile reaches his eyes. "And it gave me time to grow into this irresistible hunk."
I laugh when he flexes his arms.
"And look at you, Mister Tattooed Bad-Boy Chef."
"You don't hate me," I say.
"No."
"How come?"
"Because I like you too much, Judson Hale. I like you too damn much to feel anything else."
I close my hands over Sky's, and he turns his palms up to touch mine. We don't say anything for a while. It's just the sounds of the birds around us, the sun high in the sky, and the slightly damp soil beneath us.
"Why did you believe it so easily?" Sky asks. "We were friends since the day we were born. Why was my lie so easy to believe?"
As I think about it, more memories come to me. Things I'd heard, things I'd seen, and my own fears mixed in. We never stood a chance.
Would I have ended up pushing Sky away because I was so afraid I wasn't good enough?
"You had a growth spurt senior year, and I noticed everyone was suddenly watching you. I'd hear people in the locker rooms or on the way to class.What is Skyler doing with that fat loser? Do you think he'll come to my birthday party without Judson? Skyler is so hot, shame he has a bad smell hanging around him all the time. He must be gay. It's the only explanation."
"Jud, all those things were lies. All those people had no idea how I felt. They were so wrong because you were the sun. I orbited around you like a planet, and they weren't even space dust. They were nothing, and you were everything. I'm so sorry they made you feel otherwise."
I sigh. "Stop saying nice stuff because you're making me want to kiss you."
"Good." Sky leans forward, closing the small distance between us, and presses his lips against mine.
Our kiss is tender, like a long-due apology. We both did wrong by each other, but we both lived the consequences. So much time has passed. Does the past still matter?
I deepen the kiss, running my tongue over his lips and enjoying when he moans and opens his mouth to let me taste him. I don't know what kissing Sky would have been like at eighteen, but at twenty-eight? It's fucking mind-blowing.
Unfortunately, my belly rumbles and Sky breaks off the kiss. The smile on his face could win awards if there was such a thing.
"Is my mouth making you hungry?" he jokes.
"Yes, for more. Come here."
