I run my hands down her arms and then clutch her hands. "Dad can't know."
"I know." I understand the resignation in her voice, but it's too risky.
My dad isn't a bad person, but he's an addict. We nearly lost everything we have once, and I won't let it happen again.
Even though myside businessturns over as much as the farm, I can't tell him. Not until Miles is back and can officially take over the farm, including its finances.
"Nine months, Ma. The same time it takes for a calf to grow inside its momma. That's how long we have to wait until Miles is back home. Then we can tell Dad."
"All right, baby. Now, tell me about tonight. You meeting someone special?"
I laugh. "Nah, Ma. Just the guys. A couple of drinks, and I'll be back home, in bed, trying to work out the kinks in my back from running after Florrie today."
"What happened?"
"That cow seems to think she's some kind of pet or that she owns the place. I accidentally left the gate open earlier when I was cleaning the stalls, and she escaped. Fortunately, she's no leader. Or maybe the others aren't followers, but I only had to contend with the one great escapee."
She squeezes my hand and smiles. She knows I was never cut out to be a dairy farmer. Ever since I can remember, while my younger brother was obsessed with cows, I was obsessed with the world.
Vermont was too small for my young mind. I wanted to see the big cities people can get lost in, and I wanted to see the beach, a real one where you can swim in the ocean.
I never thought that my father's biggest betrayal to his family would also lead to me discovering a new dream. That maybe I was always meant to stay here, but instead of looking after cows, I’m looking after trees.
Trees that were here way before my grandfathers and my great-grandfathers. Trees that are kind enough to bleed that clear gold that is the staple of my state.
Those trees are firmly rooted in place, where they have been for generations. People have come and gone, wars have been fought, tragedies overcome, but they still stand tall and unmoving.
Those trees are my teachers, my mentors, and the biggest life lessons I've ever learned were out there in the land that is one final payment away from being mine.
"Well, you sure clean up nicely, honey. Where are you off to tonight? Shall I ring ahead and tell them to warn the nice boys?" Mom says, running her hands down over my shoulders and pretending to straighten my sweater.
"Don't worry, Ma. I'm not looking for the nice boys." I wink and kiss her cheek.
She's still shaking her head when I disappear into the hallway to grab my shoes and leave.
I score a parking spot not far from Church Street, which is a win considering it's Friday, and while the freezing temperatures won't turn people away from Burlington's pedestrian-only social bubble, they definitely make people less keen on walking.
If you're looking for a nice, inclusive bar to hang out and score the occasional hookup, Vino and Veritas has your back. While it's not a gay bar, the rainbow flags in the window definitely attract the breath of the LGBT population in Burlington.
I spot Andy and Wyatt through the window as I cross the road. They’ve grabbed us a booth, and each has a drink, but Noah isn't there, so my first stop as soon as I enter the bar, through the common main entrance with the bookstore next door, is to join them.
"It's not cheating," Wyatt says as I shrug my heavy coat and tuck it in the corner of the long seat.
"It is if you get a hard-on," Andy says.
"Oh, come on, you sport wood watching the Bruisers play."
"And your point?"
"Just because you get hard doesn't mean your heart is in it. It's not cheating."
I listen to the guys go back and forth for a while. This is not a conversation I want to get involved in, even though I know they don't mean half of the stuff they tease each other about.
Andy and Wyatt used to be flatlanders, what we fondly call people who weren't raised here, but one look at them now—from their change in accent down to their clothes—you would think they're born and bred Vermonters.
They met on their first day of college at the University of Vermont when they realized they were roommates. Legend says they hooked up that day and haven't been apart since.
I can only imagine what it would be like to find your soulmate that easily, but it's not a thought I want to entertain. It's not something that will ever happen to me, so I focus on tonight.
