My body was crying out for the fresh lettuce, and the maple-glazed bacon pieces taste divine.
"Are you sure that's enough for you?" Sky asks.
"Yeah, this is pretty good. I needed it after eating all those samples of everything maple."
Sky takes a bite of his massive burger with—you guessed it—maple-glazed bacon, double cheese, and maple barbecue sauce.
"Is it very difficult?" he asks as I'm finishing my salad.
"What?"
"Keeping the weight off."
"Not anymore. It's something I'm aware of because I don't want to go back to being the size I was, but I manage it."
He seems to think about something for a moment, and I'm not sure I want to talk about this. Losing the weight was one of the hardest things I did in my life. Being surrounded by food and being required to taste everything I cooked was my personal living hell.
But I did it, and I'm proud of what I look like now, even if I still have some hang-ups. I can't buy clothes online because I default to larger sizes. I need to try everything on because it's the only way my brain will accept that I fit into a smaller size.
"I never thought you were that big," Sky says, interrupting my thoughts.
"Were you blind?" I joke, but it's a deflection. How could he not see it? It's there in all the photos we took from when we were toddlers until high school.
A lump forms in my throat, and I really don't want to talk about my weight or my size issues. It always feels too raw.
"I wasn't blind, Jud. I saw you…you, not your size. So what if you were bigger than the other kids at school or me? You never let that stop you from doing anything."
Yes, it did.
I want to say it aloud so much, but instead, I ask the passing waiter for the bill.
We walk to the hotel in silence. It's cold, which gives me an excuse to wrap my scarf around my face.
"Jud. Talk to me. I said something wrong, didn't I?" Sky asks.
I stop on the sidewalk. Earlier today, the roads around the festival were filled with people, but now it almost feels a little eerie.
"You said my size never stopped me from doing anything, but that's not true. I went through high school without ever being kissed by another boy. I wasn't invited to parties unless you were. No one ever remembered my birthday. No one noticed my achievements. For someone so fucking big, I was so fucking invisible."
And this is the moment the well bursts. Fuck my life if I want to be crying in front of Sky West, my childhood best friend and current first contender for Superman lookalike. But that's what's happening.
I'm standing on a fucking sidewalk, in fucking Vermont, with tears running down my face as I stare at Sky's pity-filled hazel eyes.
I start walking again, even though I don't know where the hotel is. And now I'm regretting staying the night because I feel embarrassed enough without adding sleeping in close quarters with Sky.
"Jud." Sky pulls my arm with enough force that I end up turning around and crashing against him.
His eyes are dark and searching, his brows drawn together. He places his hands on either side of my face. "You were never invisible to me. Ever. Fuck, you wereallI could see. The world could have vanished, and I'd have only noticed if you disappeared with it."
Being this close to Sky is dangerous. My heart is beating out of control, and my brain can't process the words Sky is saying with the memories it holds because they couldn't be farther apart than the two poles.
"Please let me go, Sky." Well, at least my mouth seems to be working.
He smiles, and I can tell it's because I've just used his nickname for the first time since we met again.
I'm in such deep shit.
"What if I don't want to?" he says.
