"Mom, can I please organize your pantry and label your stuff? This is a mess."
"It's only a mess when you don't know where things are. Besides, if you organize it, I can guarantee you'll throw out that jar of pickled onions that only your uncle eats with his dinner at Christmas. I'll never hear the end of it."
"Mom, there is literally nothing here that resembles a jar of pickled onions."
"Precisely."
I follow her back to the kitchen, shaking my head again. Maybe it is best to leave it, even though the thought of a pantry without proper labels and date stamps makes my skin itch with the need to do something about it.
"Okay, so what are we making?" I ask.
My hours at the bar still leave me with plenty of free time. Even after chasing Pierre for yet another non-update, I find myself needing something to do.
I know exactly what I want to do. I want to go to Skyler's place and see how he's doing.
When I saw him at the bar last weekend, he looked tired, but I don't know if it's okay to just drop by unannounced again.
I shouldn't want to help him. It's one thing getting to know adult Skyler, but another one altogether to have the same feelings I had when I was a teenager and wanted to help him at the farm so he'd have more time to hang out.
That's not why I want to help him. I don't want to spend more time with him.
"I could ask for a dollar for your thoughts, but I don't need to." My mom slides a cup of coffee in front of me and sits on the opposite side of the kitchen table with her own cup.
"What? What do you mean?"
She raises a brow.
"Honey, it's just you and me here. Let's talk."
I groan. "I thought you needed my help."
She stares at me. Her eyebrow action today is fierce.
"This is a trap, isn't it?" I take a sip of the coffee. It's still too hot to drink, so I set it down while I try to figure out how to get out of this.
"I'm just going to say what I want to say because the last time I didn't, I ended up not seeing you for ten years."
"Mom…"
"I know you had a crush on Skyler when you were a teenager. Maybe even deeper than a crush. Is that why you left?"
I run my fingers through my hair, resting my elbows on the table.
"Yes, but not just that… Can we please not talk about it? It was a long time ago."
"Okay, so tell me, how do you feel now?"
"Confused. I should be angry. Iwasangry. But every time I see him, that anger is like a boiling pot of water evaporating until there's nothing."
She nods. "Do you think there may be something between you? That maybe he might feel the same way?"
I laugh. "What? No. He would never have feelings for me."
"Are you sure about that?"
I look up from my coffee cup. Those eyebrows sure are getting a workout today.
"Yeah, absolutely." Skyler is so in a different league. Even if I was interested, there's no way he'd take a second look at me. He probably still sees me as his short, fat friend.
