Vítor
The soul-wrenchingsobs coming from Tiago broke my heart. It was like he'd been building up to say those words aloud for years, and now that he had, they came with a vengeance, bringing all the emotions he was struggling to contain and nothing could stop it.
All I could do was hold him tight in my arms and wish I knew how I could take some of the pain away because it was clearly too much for him. It probably had been for a very long time.
Tiago cried until he was so exhausted he fell asleep in my arms. If I'd thought sleep would bring him some peace, I was wrong. His sleep was fitful, and, like a few days ago, he was calling out a name that I now understood to be Afonso. Was Afonso his lost brother?
I wasn't sure how long Tiago had been asleep in my arms. I was about to drift off myself when I felt him stir. Wondering if he wanted to be on his own, I started moving to release him, but he tightened his grip around my waist.
"My mom married my stepfather when I was five," Tiago said. "When he told me I could call him dad, it was the best day of my life. I was ten when he took me on our first fishing trip. I'd been so excited. He taught me how to set up the rod and the bait. I never caught anything that weekend, but I'd come home beaming. For weeks I asked him when we would go again. My brother was two, so he couldn't come, but I wanted to learn so one day I could teach him."
He took a deep breath, and I wasn't sure he was going to continue with his story. I was about to reassure him he didn't have to relive memories that were clearly painful to him when he resumed.
"I think we had a few trips that were really good. It was just the two of us messing around and not catching anything. Sometimes, when it was really hot, he'd let me swim in the river. Things changed months later when, during the summer vacation, he suggested we go fishing for the whole weekend and camp by the river. I'd never camped before, so I was really excited. We lit a fire to keep warm and had sandwiches and cake my mom had made us.
"That night was cold, so he said we should sleep in the same sleeping bag so we could keep warm and use the other bag as a blanket. We were both dressed, my back was to his front, and he had his arms around me. He didn't touch me, but I felt him move against me. It was slow at first, his breathing was heavy in my ear, and he kept whispering."
Tiago stopped, and I could tell he was crying again.
"That's okay, baby. You don't need to tell me."
I continued moving my hand around his back in a circular pattern to soothe him.
"No. I… I need to do this."
"Okay, but please know you can stop any time. I'll hold you for as long as you need until you don't need me anymore."
He sighed. "That could be a long, long time."
I kissed his head. "I'm not going anywhere."
He was quiet for a while, so I thought he'd fallen asleep when he continued his story.
"He said I was a good boy for helping to keep him warm, and my mom would be really proud of me."
"Meu menino, tão bom, meu menino.My boy, so good, my boy."
"I still have nightmares where I hear the sounds he made."
"Did you ever tell anyone?"
"No, I was embarrassed for him because at the time I thought he'd accidentally wet himself, so I didn't mention it. Nothing happened on the next trip, so I thought it had been a one-time thing."
"It wasn't, was it?"
I felt him shake his head against my chest.
"He wouldn't do it all the time, but I started noticing when he was going to do it because during the week, he'd be all over my mom with little touches and kisses. It was two years until he took the next step. I never wanted him to touch me, but my body reacted."
My shirt was soaked from his tears and the pillow was soaked from mine. My heart broke for the little boy who thought he'd gained a new dad and instead, got a sexual predator.
"It's okay, baby. You were a teenager, even if you didn't want it, your body didn't know what was happening."
"He thought I liked it and started doing it more often. He never went all the way, but he did everything else, and he made me—"
"Shhh, it's okay, you don't need to say it."
I held him tighter, kissed his hair, his forehead, and then tilted his head so he was facing me and I could kiss his tears away. It was the only way I could try to give him some comfort and express the pain I was feeling for him, because I wanted to go out and find the monster that did those things to my beautiful young man and beat the shit out of him.
