Alex had brought me our favorite drink, saying that now we could play with the games console all day because I’d already studied for the next test.
“I’m not sure it can make this better.” I drank it anyway, enjoying the cool milk as it went down my throat and settled in my stomach.
“Can I be the big brother for a moment?” Alex asked.
“You’ve been my little big brother for a long time now.”
“No. I want to be the big, big brother.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Go on.”
“When you told me about Max after you came back from New York, I was so worried about you. I wasn’t sure those feelings you described could be real. You’d just met him. But you were so happy. More than I’d ever seen you. Then you went into this dark mood like you’d lost everything.” Alex made a pattern with the condensation on the outside of his now-empty glass, like he was trying to find the right words before he carried on.
“Every morning I wake up a few minutes before Joana, and everymorning I look at her face as she sleeps. Even after feeding Sofia in the night or getting up if she cries, Joana is still the most beautiful, generous, loving human being I’ve ever seen. She’s completelyunaware thatI selfishly steal those moments each morning. When she wakes up, I close my eyes and pretend to sleep. She always moves closer and gives me a kiss on each eyelid to wake me up. Then we both go to Sofia’s room and stand over her crib, looking at her soft pink cheeks, admiring how she can sleep in that weird position she likes with her butt up in the air and her knees pulled up to her chest.”
“Joana is the best thing that’s happened to you, Alex. You have the perfect family.”
“No, big brother, we’re not perfect, but we’re perfect for each other in our own special way.”
I didn’t understand why Alex was telling me all this. I knew how much he loved Joana. I’d been there since the verybeginning,watching their attraction grow into love, and how they somehow made us all into a family.
“Isaac, I saw how Max looked at you. How you looked at him. It was like there was no one else around.”
I got up and stood facing the balcony doors. “It doesn’t matter.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. It is all that matters. You can work everything else out. But what you two have? That’s special. Don’t throw it away. Don’t make it less significant than it is in a bidto protect your heart.”
“How?”
“You know how.”
And with that last statement, Alex left me to my muddled thoughts and broken heart.
Did I have the guts to risk everything I cared about to follow my heart?I had a feeling I already knew the answer even before the question had formed in my head.
