Max
I knewwhat Isaac had done was with the best intention, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was being strong-armed into doing something I wasn’t ready for.
It wasn’t fair having this conversation in front of Lucy, so I gave Isaac a pointed look to follow me to our bedroom.
“What the fuck, Isaac. Why are you pushing me to do this?”
“I’m not pushing you. You don’t have to talk to Joel, but baby, I know you will feel so much better if you do,” he said.
I’d paced the room in the same way I’d done the day Lucy appeared at the apartment.
“And how about Lucy? You know she doesn’t have a passport. How fucking responsible of us to leave a teenager on her own while we go away.” I felt panic rising in my chest.
“Fernando is happy to look after her for the weekend, and she’s looking forward to spending some time with Diogo.”
“This is my decision to make, if and when I’m ever ready. Don’t you understand? Joel will never speak to me again when he finds out I lied all those years. He’ll never forgive me.”
Isaac looked like he’d been punched.
“I’m… I’m sorry, Max.”
“Me too,” I’d said before I’d put some clothes in a duffle bag and left the apartment without even looking at Isaac.
It had been the first time we’d had a real fight, and I hadn’t known how to navigate it, so I ended up going to Peter and asking if I could stay with him for a couple of nights. Isaac had been heartbroken when I called him to say I wasn’t coming home, but I’d explained I just needed to get my head around the fact I was going to have to face my fears and tell Joel about what had happened to me as a teenager.
It wasn’t just about sharing a little secret; it was about confessing that I’d been lying to him for virtually the whole time he’d known me. Isaac didn’t understand why I couldn’t do this with him, why I’d had to leave to get my head straight. I couldn’t explain, either. I just needed the space.
When I came back home, things were different. Isaac was distant and started spending a lot more time at work. He made excuses, saying that he wanted to make sure Dorian and Jean-Paul knew everything was running smoothly.
Lucy had also started spending a lot more time in her bedroom or with Diogo, and she was quieter, like she was afraid all the time.
My relationship with Isaac would be resolved at some point. I just hoped it wasn’t too late. I also needed to apologize to Lucy, so I took her out one afternoon and shared some of the stuff I was afraid of. I knew she’d understand, and I was right. Most of all, it was about making sure she felt safe in our relationship. I wasn’t going to get rid of her like she’d feared because she was stuck with me as her big brother forever.
After she forgave me for being an asshole, she told me to make things right with Isaac. I told her I’d planned to do just that as soon as I’d spoken to Joel.
* * *
Isaac had been very quiet on the flight to Lisbon. He’d barely spoken a word, and I was pretty sure that when he hadn’t been watching movies with the headphones on, he’d been pretending to be asleep.
I wanted to reach out and take his hand, lace his fingers with mine.
I’d been so selfish taking so much all the time, and even when he’d given me more, I’d thrown it all in his face.
I had a plan of my own, but it had to wait until we got back to Manhattan.
Joel waved to get my attention as we walked with our suitcases down the ramp at arrivals. David was standing behind him talking to Alex. I waved back, glad to see them again.
“Hey, guys, it’s great to see you,” I said as I hugged everyone in turn.
“So,” Joel said, not beating around the bush, “why the sudden trip?”
“I have some stuff to do at the Foundation that I’d planned before I left for New York, so I had to come back for that, and it’ll give Max a chance to see you guys before Christmas.”
I nodded.
“Okay then, shall we go?” David asked.
Isaac pulled me aside.
