So I told him about David. I told him how we’d reconnected after all the years apart. Told him about the journal and the road trip, and told him how I was absolutely sure I was in love with David and had no clue what to do about it.
“Fuck, Joel, you’ve been gone three weeks. It may as well have been three years for all that happened.”
“You’re telling me. What the fuck do I do, Max?”
“What do you want to do?” he asked.
“I want him. I want to be with him, but you know my job and my life is in New York, and he’s not even out. I can’t live a pretend life with him, lovers indoors and friends outdoors. It would tear us apart. And did I mention I live and work in New York?”
“Do you have to?” he asked.
“Do I have to what?”
“Do you have to live and work in New York? Do you have to live a pretend life?”
I knew the answer to the first question. I didn’t have to live and work in New York. I could easily move back to Portugal and teach here. I would be close to my family, see my grandparents all the time and my uncle, aunt, and my cousins. I could still do some work with my school remotely. Maybe I could even start writing. It’s something I’d always wanted to do, but school kept me so busy I hadn’t had time to put some of my ideas into a draft. I’d miss Max like hell, but I could visit him in New York, and he could come to Portugal too. I explained that much to Max.
“You haven’t answered the second question.”
“That’s because it’s not up to me to answer it.”
“Then have you asked him?”
“He’s not ready, Max. For God’s sake, he’s only just started having sex with a man.”
“What? Fuck, I bet he’s tight. Is he tight? It’s gotta be the best sex you’ve ever had, right?”
“Trust you to lower the tone, Max.”
“Just stating the facts, my friend. Please, can I have a go? Pretty, please.”
I knew Max was teasing, so I mock-punched him in the gut to shut him up. We’d always been into completely different types of men, so it had never been a problem, but I also knew he would never make a move on a guy I like, and I’d never do it to him, either.
“Trust him, Joel,” he said more seriously. “I don’t know this guy, but I know you. If he’s half as serious about you as you are about him, he’ll make the right decision.
With that thought in my mind, we walked back to the car and went home.
Max slept for a couple of hours, so I tidied up the apartment, which hadn’t taken long since I’d barely spent any time here, and then I sat on the balcony reading.
David arrived just as the sun was getting low in the sky. I’d been so distracted by my book I hadn’t even realized it was getting darker. Max was still in my room, awake but looking quite groggy, so I gave him some time before I made introductions, which was perfect since I missed David and wanted to kiss the hell out of him. And I did so as soon as he put down the boxes of food he brought with him.
“Hmm,” I moaned into his lips, “I missed you.”
“I missed you too. Getting up early for work didn’t give me any time for a morning workout.”
“Oh, is that what we’re calling it now?”
He laughed and then jumped at the sound of a throat clearing.
“David, this is Max,” I said, giving Max a look of warning.
David got his hand out for a shake, but Max got in his space and hugged him. I smiled as I remembered that was how Isaac had introduced himself to me when we met. Then I put myself between them and leaned my back against David, pushing Max out with my arms.
“Maaax.” I scolded, and they both laughed.
Dinner was delicious as always, but Max was uncharacteristically quiet, which I initially put down as jet lag, although he was going for his third serving of dinner, so maybe he was just hungry.
“How are you feeling, Max? Still tired?”
