Chapter Twelve
Joel
I was exhausted.I hadn’t slept well for the last couple of days, which obviously didn’t help, but it wasn’t just that. I was tired of so much heartache, of being alone, of wanting what I shouldn’t. David’s reaction to our kiss was surprising and heartrending in equal measures.
Yes, I’d been the one to initiate the kiss, but the way he looked at me when he grabbed my finger and sucked it clean nearly made me come in my pants. Every single lick of his tongue, every time his lips closed over mine, he was there with me. I felt it everywhere. How could I have been so wrong about it unless there was more to it than met the eye?
As I sat at my kitchen table with a coffee in my hand, I was trying to give myself a pep talk. Today was a day for my family, and I was going to be there supporting my grandparents, my great-grandma, and my aunt and uncle. I knew it was going to be painful watching as my family laid my parents to rest, so today wasn’t about me and how much I missed them.
Today was about my family.
Deciding I would deal with one thing at a time, I got up from the table and rinsed the coffee cup before I went to my grandparents’ house to pick up my great-grandma for the service.
The drive to the Sanctuary was the distraction I needed because as it turned out, my great-grandma had her own stories to tell about a particular young man and his Citroen 2CV.
"His name was Julio. He wanted to take me out, but I wasn’t interested. I already had my eye on your great-granddad," she said, laughing lightly.
"Julio went to my father to ask if he could take me out dancing. My father knew I wasn’t interested, but Julio had been around showing off his new imported 2CV, and I’d mentioned once or twice that I’d love to drive it. He told Julio that if he let me drive his car, I may agree to go to the dance with him."
"You could drive?" I asked, surprised.
"In those days it wasn’t the norm, but I worked as a secretary for a local businessman, and it was a requirement that I pick up his children from school, so he paid for me to learn. My dear, in a different life, I would have quite enjoyed being a racing driver!" She was so animated recalling her youth that it was a pleasure to listen.
"So what happened? Did he let you drive his car?" I asked curiously.
"He did. I said I would go dancing with him if he let me drive it. I took him for a spin. Of course, in those days, there weren’t as many cars on the road, so I got to quite a speed. He didn’t enjoy the ride as much." She almost sounded apologetic. Almost.
"Why not?"
"The moment I stopped the car, he got out and was sick right on the road, and then said he was probably going to give the dance a miss."
"So you got to drive your dream car and didn’t even have to put out. Avó, you sassy girl." We were both laughing out loud by the time I pulled up at the Sanctuary parking lot. My great-grandmother looked younger when she smiled like that, and I was sad that I would never get to see my mother’s laugh lines from old age.
My great-grandmother put her hand on my cheek and, looking into my eyes, said, "God only gives us what we can handle. Remember that, son."
The rest of the morning took on a more serious note. The minister delivered a beautiful service: emotive, well written, and inspirational.
It wasn’t until the service ended that I saw David sitting a few pews behind me to my right. Our eyes met, and I felt unwavering support in his gaze. Regardless of what had happened between us and all the questions I had, I knew that as a friend, David had my back, and that meant everything in this moment.
Once my family scattered the ashes over the cliff, some people left while others hung back to express their condolences. I was surprised to not only speak to so many people who knew my mom but just as many that had also met my dad and knew him well.
David was standing back from the group of people still talking to my family, so I went over to him. "David, thank you so much for coming. It means a lot to me."
"I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. The minister was kind to mention my mom and how they must be in heaven looking down and watching over us. I’m not religious, but it’s a nice thought."
I took a step forward and hugged David. We stayed like that, no words required, in each other’s arms for a minute, just allowing ourselves a bit of comfort.
We were interrupted by my great-grandmother who was accompanied by Teresa. "My dear, I’m going to go back with Teresa. You stay here a bit longer. I’m sure David won’t mind staying with you if you give him a lift back," she said with intent, although I couldn’t tell what that was.
"Um, yeah I don’t mind... if that’s okay with you, Aunt Teresa," David said, and I swear there was a slight blush on his cheeks.
“Of course, my dear. We could do with a good catch up, anyway,” Teresa said, winking at my great-grandmother.
We talked with a few more people who knew both our moms and my dad. When most of the people had left, we decided it was time to go too. It was after lunchtime, and I was starting to get a bit hungry now that the morning events had finished. I also needed a cold drink after standing outside in the sun.
"David, would you mind driving back?" If I was going to be in a car with David, I wanted to be able to look out of the window and think. Maybe I’d build enough courage to ask him what I needed to know.
"And drive the old classic? You bet I don’t mind," David said, pulling his keychain out of his pocket.
