I shake my head. “No, but I can’t deny I’m starting to go a little stir crazy being stuck in my quarters. I wanted to explore the ship some more and get involved in some of the other acts. I haven’t even seen the whole thing yet.” I run my hand through my hair in exasperation. “Constantly worrying that I’m going to be attacked is a nightmare, and I really shouldn’t have to be worried about that, for fuck’s sake. It’s notnormal.” I throw my hands up in the air and start pacing around. Obviously I’m not as fine as I thought I was. “I mean, what the fuck? I have been forced to stay in my room because two women are having a tantrum about not being the ‘chosen one.’ Too bad, so sad. If I were a Skarrian with powers, there wouldn’t even be a question of me being able to defend myself, but because I’m human and weak then I’m in danger. Well, maybe we need to face the fact that may never change.Maybe, just maybe, we need to accept that Fiona and Phillip are the best options to take over the circus, and I should just stay in the US when you all leave.”
Fuck, that felt good to get off my chest.
Link’s mouth drops open in shock, but it’s Caspian’s reaction that makes me feel like a selfish bitch. His face pales, and he flinches like I’ve physically slapped him, before his eyes flick to beast and back. Now I feel like complete and utter shit. We’re mated, so of course he’s not going to want to let me go.
“Oh, Cas, I would never leave you behind. You could come with me, and I’d find a new job in a bar. Maybe we could stay in Vegas. I’m sure there’s a show where you would fit in, or you could stay home and be a house husband. We’ve got three babies that are going to need someone.” I hold my hand over my stomach, thinking about the possibilities. A nice little white picket fenced place with me and Cas and our babies. Sure, we’d have to teach them not to shift or tell anyone what they are, but we could do that.
“Is that really how you feel?”
When I look into his eyes and see the hurt in them, and the same emotion in Link’s gaze, I realize then and there that I could never leave them.
I shake my head and sink back onto the couch, wringing my hands in my lap. “No, I really don’t, but it’s been a lot. The circus, being an alien, and having no powers, and then the mating, the pregnancy, and my attraction to Link and Xavier, as well as being Saxon’s blood rose, not to mention the whole thing with the rapey dolphin and Dylan… I feel like everything has been going at a rapid pace between my personal and professional life. It just hasn’t stopped. I haven’t had anyone to talk to.” They start to argue, but I hold up a hand. “Or anyone who is unbiased. Magenta is great and all, but she’s Skarrian, and she just doesn’t understand my concerns.” Something occurs to me, and I sit up, knowing the perfect way to solve my problem. “I need Susie.”
“Susie, your best friend?” Link asks, and I melt because he remembers.
“Yeah, Susie is my ride or die. We tell each other everything, and I think she’s just what I need. Do you think if I invite her to come visit in Vegas, and maybe bring Mark, that I could tell her everything and then have Xavier remove it all from her mind?”
I hate the thought of messing with my bestie’s mind, but I also understand that this information would be catastrophic in the wrong hands, and all it would take is for Susie to get loose lips after a few drinks with Mark or any of her other friends. She’d either be committed or we’d be hunted.
Nope. It’s better for all of us if Xavier does his thing.
They exchange another glance before Cas shrugs. “I don’t see why not, but it means you’re essentially lying to her. Can you do that?”
“I’m already lying to her now. At least this way I’m kind of telling her the truth, even if she doesn’t remember it. I need her. Magenta’s great, and she suggested a girls’ night with Nixie, but I haven’t known them for very long. No one gets the human side of me like Susie does, and I need to speak to her.” Tears roll down my cheeks as I try to communicate what will help me get through this mental shitshow. The guys crowd in on either side of me, Caspian wrapping his arms around my shoulders and Link taking my hand in his.
“Oh, babe, I’m sorry. We should have realized it was all too much. I can’t believe we didn’t recognize how overwhelmed you were feeling because you’ve been handling this all so well.” Cas sounds devastated and slightly panicked at my emotional overload.
“It’s okay, you’ve all been so busy the last couple of days, and that’s my fault too, as is Dylan leaving and Saxon’s absence. And the grandpas have been dealing with the political fallout of those things and something to do with the lightning cats that no one has brought me up to speed on. On top of that, I think Xavier’s lost interest. His mark on my shoulder is still there, but it’s lighter than it was. I guess he decided that I was too much trouble, or whatever he saw in my mind wouldn’t meet his standards.”
I worry my lip at the thought of what Xavier might have seen to cause him to pull back.
“Oh no, Lila. I promise that’s not the case,” Link assures me, and I see them exchange another look over the top of my head. I sigh, pulling away from them.
“This” —I gesture between the three of us— “is not going to work if we keep secrets. And I don’t do secrets.”
“Xavier has been dealing with his own political issue and the death of one of his harem members. We promise that he wants to come speak to you and probably will once we get back to Earth.” He tries his best to placate me, but it does nothing to ease the doubt and disappointment I feel in my heart. “But how about we do this? Usually the circus will set up in the Black Rock Desert in Nevada, but this year we have negotiated with the Vegas city council to set up just outside its city limits. Apparently they want us closer so it’s better for tourism and hotel capacity. We’ve been given a deal with one of the hotels on the strip. They are offering special Galaxy Circus stays, with priority seating for the people who book those vacations. Why don’t we get you a room at the hotel and you can call Susie and invite her out for a few days? The two of you can catch up, she can see the show, and you can get in some girl time. Because after we leave Earth, we won’t be back for some months, and depending on solar storms and meteor showers and all sorts of atmospheric interference, you may not be able to contact her for a while.”
Caspian doesn’t get a chance to say anything else before I’m smothering him with kisses. “Yes, yes, yes! That would be wonderful, Caspian. Thank you.”
Both guys start to laugh at my enthusiastic response. Once I finish showing Caspian my appreciation, I turn to Link and do the same thing. I think I surprise him a little because I haven’t been over-the-top affectionate with him in front of Cas, but I’ve decided to say screw it. Both of these guys are in my life, and if it doesn’t bother them, then who am I to deny it? Feeling Caspian’s hands on my body while I’m kissing Link has me cursing myself for not starting this sooner. It brings a whole new level of intensity to our kiss, and I shiver with the potential. But first things first.
“I have to call Susie.” I jump up off Link’s lap and start to run back to my room where the communication tablet is, but Caspian doesn’t let me get far. He lunges forward and grabs me, spinning me around and causing me to giggle.
“Hold your larnuks, sweetheart. Before you go racing off, your grandpas need you. They want you to experience what we do for setup when we land on Earth in a different spot.”
“Now? But don’t we need to get to the circus pod and make the return journey?” I’m sure that’s what we’ve been talking about.
“Yes, the pod is about to open for boarding,” Link explains, “and I need to transfer Saxon to my clinic on the pod so I can continue to monitor him while we are down there. Now that Josa has been fired and is no longer on the ship, I can’t very well leave Saxon up here unsupervised. So I’ll see you when we land.” Link gives me one last kiss, even though Cas’s arms are wrapped around me. Their bodies sandwich me between them, and another shiver of desire goes through me. Oh yeah, I am definitely on board with this multiple mates thing. The potential is limitless. Link’s body is slightly cooler than Caspian’s at my back, and it creates a nice contrast.
“Okay, I’ll come find you later,” I promise, and he pulls away, leaving me momentarily chilled and disappointed. But it’s not like we could start anything just yet with the time constraints.
He leaves, and Cas whirls me around in his arms, kisses me hard on the lips, and pulls away, taking my hand and leading me to the door. “When we land, we have to do the reverse process of takeoff. We can’t very well just appear all of a sudden. People would panic if they saw a ship coming out of the sky. Granted, it usually doesn’t matter in Nevada because we’re typically in the desert, but this year is different. We’ll send down an advance party with the teleporter, and they’ll set up holo emitters which show the scene of the circus being erected. It’s why there is always a fence around, so that people can’t just wander in. Then, at night, we land under a cloak and take the place of the hologram.”
He told me this as we moved through the ship, and now we’re at the teleporting room. When we enter, Officer Kirk, one of the teleporting operators, is sitting at the desk, and he smiles at us.
“Hey, Lila, Cas. You’re here right on time.” He gets up and moves to a cupboard, pulling out the holo emitters I remember from my first time before handing them to me. “Here you go. I’ll transport you into a nearby alleyway, and then you’ll have to walk a few hundred yards to where we need to set them up.”
“Are you coming with me?” I ask Caspian, a little unsure because he’s still wearing his natural purple and blue form.
