Ash holds up his hand and rolls his eyes. “Save it, Jacinta. I know what someone on coke or uppers looks like. It’s just like looking in the mirror. Why don’t we cut the crap and come clean with one another?”
“Fuck off, Ash, like you haven’t been using to get through the parties,” I snarl, going on the defensive.
“Hey, hey, no judgment here. I’d just like to know what you’re using in case you OD while on my watch. I only think that’s fair.”
I sigh and shrug. “Fine, it was coke, but I’m out now. I haven’t been back to the house.”
He runs a hand across his chin. He has a rakish look to him tonight since he didn’t bother to shave, and the sprinkling of black stubble gives him a daring, slightly bad boy look. He hands me back my whiskey.
“No problem, I’ve got a hookup at the party. I’ll take care of you.” I breathe a sigh of relief. I wasn’t sure how I was going to fake the appropriate Jacinta behavior and not give myself away by running screaming from the room. “But do you mind me asking why?”
“Why what?” I throw back the rest of my whiskey and hold my glass out for a refill. He complies, his brown eyes locked on mine like he’s trying to work out a puzzle.
“Why does Jacinta Summers, heiress to the Neighpalm Industries fortune and now Countess Bucataru, wealthy beyond all comprehension, need coke to make it through a party filled with shallow, superficial, insignificant people?”
I start to disagree, but the raise of a single pompous eyebrow stops me in my tracks.
“Fine. Jacinta Summers, heiress to the Neighpalm blah, blah, blah, suffers crippling anxiety and nerves at the thought of facing a room full of people who may be plotting to kill me or my brother or any of my siblings for something as petty as money. Not to mention the self-loathing.”
“Really?” He can’t hide the surprise in his voice.
“Yeah, ever since the kidnapping. I was fucking useless, Ash. First, Harlow was dragged into all that drama because my cousin was obsessed with her, then my uncle, or whatever he was, tried to kill her in Hawaii to stop that obsession and get his son back on track. When that didn’t work, he resorted to killing his son. He kidnapped us all, including Harlow, because she was plan B if plan A hadn’t worked, all because he wanted drugs and money and whatever! If he had just asked, Jax and I probably would have given him some. It’s not like there’s not enough to go around.”
The dam has broken, and there is no stopping the flow of our family soap opera. Should I be telling him all this? I have no idea, honestly, but it’s kind of cathartic to get things off my chest even though that doesn’t solve anything. I’m not foolish enough to think this relief will be long lived. “Then Harlow managed to get free and sent me for help while she stayed behind to protect my brother. My brother, something that should have been my task, right? But no, I just ran like the coward I am. Then Harlow and he were forced to fuck at gun point for Peter’s sick fucking games, and Jaxon was shot. I almost lost my twin because I wasn’t strong enough to stay and help.” Tears are streaming down my face now. Ash puts his drink down and comes over to my side, putting his arms around my shoulders and drawing me into him.
“Shhh, it’s okay. Let it all out. I’ve got you.” I sob into his shirt, making a mess of it, but he doesn’t complain once. He holds me and rubs my back until the sobs finally stop.
I pull away. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.” My face flames with embarrassment, but he just pulls out a bunch of napkins, passing them to me to wipe my face and blow my nose.
“Please don’t apologize. It will dry. It sounds to me like you’d been holding that in for way too long. I have no words because if I said something along the lines of don’t be stupid, I’m making light of your feelings, and I don’t want to do that. I know the mind can be cruel, and the insidious whispers can be loud some days. Drowning them out with drugs is a perfectly reasonable solution to me. Hence why I have the hookups. So don’t worry, Jacinta, I’ll take care of you.”
He puts one arm around my shoulders again, and I lean into him as we drive the rest of the way to the party. The silence between us is peaceful and relaxed, and I appreciate that he didn’t try to negate my feelings. Instead, he reinforced that I’m legitimately allowed to feel the way I do.
“Call me Jazzy. All my friends do.”
* * *
“Whose party is this again?” I ask him a little while later as the limo pulls up to a mansion that has lights blazing, with lots of cars parked out front and music pounding through the open doors and windows.
“Some movie exec,” he tells me as he holds his hand out to help me from the car. A few flashing lights blind me, and I hold my hands up to shield my eyes.
“A Neighpalm one?” I ask, frowning, and he grins cheekily.
“No, the competition.”
“Jacinta, are you and Lord Ashton an official couple now?”
“Lord Ashton, have you given up your playboy ways for Countess Bucataru? Is this a new way to infuse money into the Lavington estate?
“What does your grandmother think of the relationship?”
Behind the gates of the estate are a few reporters whom I hadn’t noticed on the way in. Ashton just smiles and waves before grabbing my hand and giving it a kiss. A valet takes away the limo, leaving Riku to follow us up the stairs.
My grip on Ashton’s hand tightens as nausea rushes over me. All the sinister, self-deprecating thoughts are practically screaming at me over the sound of the party.
“Jacinta, Jacinta!” I look to see who’s calling my name, but I can’t find anyone I know as we push our way through the crowd.
We stop in the living room, and Ash gazes around, looking for someone. He must see whomever he needs because he waves a hand and points to the back of the house. “Hey, babe, just wait here for me for a moment.” He waves Riku over. “Riku, can you keep an eye on her while I’m gone? I’m just going to grab us some drinks, then we’ll see if anyone we know is here.” I appreciate the fact that he doesn’t call them friends.
