“Fuck, man, I knew you said she was bad, but that’s horrible. Did she arrange for Camilla to be here?” Jace is gobsmacked if the look on his face has anything to say.
Ash nods wearily. “Yes. I really am sorry, to all of you. If you give me a few weeks to try to sort everything out, we can have a spectacular breakup.”
I drop my fists and step back. Ash sounds defeated, and after everything I’ve done for my family, how can I hold it against him that he was doing exactly the same thing? I shake my head and put my hand on his cheek.
“It’s okay. We can do this. We won’t let that bitch win,” I assure him, and thankfully, the other guys also add their words of encouragement. Shane is the quietest, but I don’t think it comes from a place of anger or disapproval. It feels more like he’s trying to wrap his head around all of this, which is totally understandable.
“We have to go back out there. It won’t look good if the six of us hide in here together just after you two get engaged.” Alex opens the door. “We can talk about this more tomorrow. Let’s just get this night over with. We need a happy, smiling, loved up couple, okay?” He’s all business now, like he can see how much the two of us are struggling, so he’s going to micromanage us. “I’ll grab some champagne, and we’ll toast you. That will give them something else to speculate about—am I really happy for my ex or putting on a brave face? Shane and Jace can be seen comforting me… a lot.” He grins like he can’t wait to play a role.
“Thank you.” Ash’s words sound like a blessing, then the three of them leave.
“Shall we go?” Ash asks, and I give him a shaky smile.
“I really have to pee. Just give me a moment.”
“Okay, we’ll wait here.” He steps aside to let me leave. As I brush past Riku, he grabs hold of me. The way he looks at me, it’s like he can see all the turmoil bubbling beneath my skin. It’s all I can do to hold my impending meltdown inside. Gritting my teeth, I force a smile.
“I’m okay,” I say to him, and he silently lets me go.
I hurry away to a nearby bathroom, closing the door behind me, and dig around in my bag for my coke. Trembling with an urgency like no other, I upend my handbag on the sink when I can’t find what I’m looking for. My whole body is shaking, my breathing erratic, as I scramble around to find what I need. Panting, I pick up the bag, but my hands shake so badly that it slips. I watch on in horror as all the white powder falls to the floor.
Fuck no. I start to shake even harder, so I drop down to the floor and use my hands to try to gather it all up into a line, but there’s lint and all sorts of things in it. Shuddering, I start to sob, leaning back against the cupboard. I need the hit. I need it like I need my next breath of air, so I reach for the straw and lean over. I try to pick out the worst of the dirt, and just as I put the straw to my nose and take a small sniff, the door opens. I wipe my nose with the back of my hand, the gritty feel of everything I just snorted irritating my nostrils. Suddenly, I sneeze twice. The second time, when I pull my hand away, there’s blood-splattered snot on it.
Riku stares down at me, and his lips purse. “Oh baby, no.” He crouches down and tries to take the straw away from me, but I fight him for it.
“No, I just need this last one. Just tonight, please.” I can hear the desperation in my voice. A flood of self-loathing and disgust rolls through me, but I can’t stop myself. He quickly overpowers me even as I scream and pound against him. That’s when Ash finds us.
“Hey, what’s going on?” he asks, but I ignore him, continuing to hit Riku.
“That’s enough, Jacinta.” Riku’s stern voice has me freezing before I sag against him, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.
Ash must step farther in because the look on his face tells me he’s seen the small pile of dirt-filled coke. “Oh no, Jazzy.” He sounds so sad, but I just glare at him.
“Fuck you, Ash. You don’t get to fucking judge. You, who are under your grandmother’s thumb!” I scream at him, lashing out even though I know he doesn’t deserve it.
He flinches at the direct hit.
I struggle to get out of Riku’s arms, but they are like steel bands around me. “Let me go! I just want a little bit, just enough to get me through the rest of the night,” I beg him, but he shakes his head solemnly.
“No, this ends now. You might hate me, but it’s for your own good. You have a problem, Jacinta.” He picks me up. “Can you gather all her stuff?” he asks Ash, pointing to my upended things. Ash pushes past us to do as he’s been asked.
“What are you going to do?” Ash asks as he finishes.
“He’s going to put me down and stop treating me like a fucking child,” I snarl at the two of them, but they ignore me. My body is shaking too hard for me to really struggle against Riku, and it finally hits me that I’m truly powerless right now. “Please, it hurts,” I beg, my anger giving way to desperation.
“Fuck, I had no idea it was so bad,” Ash tells Riku.
“I think she’s been using every time you’ve gone out, so almost nonstop for weeks now, minus the few days she was at home.”
My anger builds up again as they continue to talk about me as though I’m not here. “Screw you two. You have no idea how I’m feeling.”
“Hush now, Jacinta. Stop being a bitch. I think both of us have an idea about how you’re feeling,” Riku scolds me, and I feel a small wash of shame as I remember his own addiction problems. “Right. Come on. We’re going home, and you’ll have a shower and sober up. Then we’re going to find you a meeting and come up with a plan.”
“Please, I don’t need a meeting! I can stop at any time. I’m not weak,” I sneer, and he looks down at me with hard eyes.
“Jacinta, stop being such a bitch,” Ash says wearily. “You’re going to regret this.”
By now I realize we’re moving through the clubhouse, away from the music and the people, toward where we left the car and driver.
