“What is it about Harlow that scares you the most? Is it the worry she might replace you in the hearts of the ones you love? Or is it that she might actually be someoneyoucan learn to love?”Ugh, damn her for making me think about this. Dad would be pleased to know my therapist’s exorbitant fees are worth it, but my life was so much easier when I could just hate the bitch.
I see the way my brothers look at her.Allof my brothers, even Declan and Jaxon who usually stick by me through thick and thin. They try to hide it, but the attraction is real. Then Nana took me aside yesterday and had a very real and incredibly awkward conversation with me, woman to woman. Frankly, I deserve a goddamn medal for not jumping out of my seat and stomping out of the room. The fact that I didn’t do either of those things speaks to just how loud of a wakeup call it’s been to lose all the things I care about most: my dad and grandparents’ respect and trust, my job, my smooth relationship with my brothers.A chance with Alex and Shane…Yeah, pushing that thought aside for now.
The crazy old woman seems to think that Harlow could be the key to their happiness—well, mine too. What if my brothers all shared the same woman? Think of how much easier their lives, and mine, would be if we could just put all our bets on one person who would never even think of straying because she’d get everything she needed from the six of them. And what better option than someone who was already meant to be family? Someone who needs no ulterior motive because the Summers legacy is already hers? According to Nana, there could be no stronger guarantee, no surer bet, than Harlow beingthe onefor my brothers. Not to mention, her theory of having a built-in friend for me, if not eventually a real sister, because Harlow and I would be on more even footing than any other woman in the guys’ lives. While I’ve learned to love Hope, even she’s not really family, and family trumps everything.
It really got me thinking. If I went along with things and got out of the way, I wouldn't have to vet six different women, nor would they have to worry about all six of them getting along. I mean, seriously, what are the odds that they find six women who would all fit in with the family and get along with one another? I’m exhausted just from thinking about that clusterfuck.
I also see the way she looks at my brothers. She tries to hide it, and she mostly succeeds, but occasionally, that attraction shines bright. And it’s not just one of them. I see it when she looks at all of them, and it’s not the same kind of thing that sparks in other women's eyes either. Other women look at my brothers, and I can practically see cartoon dollar signs rolling over their eyeballs. It doesn't matter which one they're looking at. To those gold diggers, my brothers are interchangeable, so any one will do. Now Harlow, she seems to look at them like they’re individuals. But then it disappears, like she's fighting it. And I respect that. I respect her for not throwing herself at them.
“You need to slow down and ask yourself the hard questions, force yourself to think about what you really feel instead of hiding behind that surface anger.”
Fuck, Ireallydidn’t want to like her. I really wanted to hate her, but I can’t. I can’t even fault her for finding friendship with Alex and Shane. I practically pushed her into their arms with the billboard stunt. Thank god Nana took pity on me and assured me that she knows their relationship with Harlow is platonic. I would have been sick with jealousy if it had been more. How she knew that’s what was bothering me, I don't know. The damn woman is practically a witch; she knows things she shouldn't, always has.
Sure enough, as soon as everyone leaves, Harlow tries to slink off, but I quickly put a stop to that and drag her down to Holden’s room.
Seeing my brother pale and unconscious is a huge kick in the teeth and really brings to light that my petty games and insecurities are small things in the great scheme of life. Maybe it’s time to let go of some of the resentment and try, for the sake of everyone involved.
Letting go of her, I take a seat next to Oliver and put my arms around him, trying to comfort him. It can’t be easy for him to see the love of his life in a coma. We all know about their previous relationship. Oliver didn’t want to hide it and or feel ashamed about it, and he was quite defensive when he first came to us. None of us cared. Dad had already sat us down and explained their connection before they’d even arrived, but it was Holden that had decided he wasn’t willing to risk his place in our family. No matter how many of us tried to assure him that it wasn’t either/or—he and Oliver could have both our familyandeach other—Holden refused to trust it.
I’m hoping now they can finally put all this shit behind them and sort out their relationship once and for all. Maybe I’m not the only one who’s seeing this situation as a huge wakeup call. I've got a feeling Oli won't be letting him get away with avoiding the subject anymore, and frankly, that conversation is long overdue.
Chapter Three
Harlow
The beeping of machines and that familiar sterile smell of almost death is stronger in Holden’s room, and the shudder that courses through me as I look at his still, pale body has me almost sobbing uncontrollably again. Although I realistically know it's the smell of antiseptic and stale air that rarely moves, so much like all the surgical rooms I’ve worked in, it’s still disconcerting to know someone I care about is in this kind of environment. My eyes shoot to his heart monitor where I can see a steady, strong rate, and his blood oxygen saturation is also good. My shoulders relax just minutely. These are all good signs.
Jacinta has already let me go, having claimed the seat next to Oliver and wrapped her arms around him as she softly whispers. Taking a seat next to Nana, my eyes don't leave the two of them as I try hard to listen in on what’s being said. Nana sees where I’m looking and the curious crease to my brow, and she sighs before grabbing my hand and pulling me closer so she can whisper.
“When Brad was looking to adopt his last child, he decided that he should probably get an older child since the rest were teenagers already. Plus, what were the chances that some older teen would get adopted by anyone else? It was when he visited a group home that he came across Oliver and Holden. They were both sixteen and had been bounced around in foster care for years before ending up there together. At that point, they’d had enough nasty experiences and were old enough that they weren’t likely to find a real home before they aged out of the system. When Brad met them, they’d already spent a year there. The boys had gravitated toward one another and become more than just friends.”
Holy shit, is Nana saying what I think she’s saying?That would explain all the tension and the guarded looks I was seeing earlier, but it still leaves me with more questions than answers. Like, what happened to break them up? Considering Nana’s essentially pushing me to make a harem out of her grandsons, I can’t imagine they’d be intolerant and try to break the boys up. Dad doesn’t seem like the type either, but I guess I haven’t had enough time to really see for sure.
“They were so intrinsically attached to one another, even at sixteen, that we all felt it would be detrimental if we separated them, so he adopted them both, knowing that their relationship was going to be very different compared to the relationships of the other kids.” She sighs, sadness in her eyes when she looks between Oliver and Holden. “But then it all went haywire. Like I said, both boys had had horrible foster homes, and Holden was just so grateful to Brad that he was terrified of doing anything to rock the boat. Apparently, his bisexuality had been a trigger for his foster parents, and we learned that he’d been beaten, ridiculed, and essentially tormented by small-minded adults and foster siblings who made him feel that it was dangerous to be who he truly was.”
My own eyes are wide at this point, looking between the two men. I care about what Nana’s telling me, but not in the way that Oliver and Holden might think. It makes no difference to me who or how they love, so long as all parties are safe and happy. Instead, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with the events of the day, now adding a weighty sense of empathy to the top of that emotional pile. Even though the Bostons’ love and support helped fight back some of my mom’s venom, I know what it feels like to be in a home that’s not a home, to be around people who make you feel deficient. I was just lucky enough to have a safe space long before either Oliver or Holden did. Once again, I’m seeing bits and pieces of myself—who I am and who I could’ve been—in some of the Summers siblings, and it’s a heavy experience.
Likely realizing I’ve gotten a bit lost in my head, Nana squeezes my hand, drawing my eyes and attention back to her before she continues whispering. “He made the decision to lock that part of himself away without any input from anyone else. It wasn't easy for anyone when he suddenly cut off his relationship with Oliver. The latter got mixed up with a bad crowd and was arrested. Poor thing had a new family, with more wealth and opportunities than he’d ever had before, but that wasn’t enough to keep him from spiraling when the only solid support he’d ever had cut ties. It was then that I discovered his love of drawing and encouraged it; obviously, you’ve seen that that became a bit of a lifeline for him. Things between him and Holden were never the same. The worst thing is we wouldn't have cared if they had continued their relationship. We would have set boundaries, the same as we did for any of the other kids and their partners, but we would have supported them no matter what.”
My mind whirls with the information Nana just imparted on me. That just shed a new light on so freaking much. When I was with Oliver at Neighpalm Ink, he’d implied that he had experimented, but this issomuch more than I thought. My mind goes straight to the fucking gutter, ignoring the seriousness of the situation, and starts to picture Oliver and Holden together. Even better, me, Oliver, and Holden together. I start to squirm with all the inappropriate thoughts, and it’s Nana's voice that slams me back to reality.#Awkward.“It looks like Oliver is finally realizing how much Holden means to him. God only knows what kind of mess this is all about to be.” She pats me on the arm before she gets up and walks over to the others, grabbing Oliver by the hand and pulling him into a hug. It’s like Nana’s touch makes the dam break, and he starts sobbing much like I did against Dad’s chest.
“Jesus, anyone would think I was dying.” The raspy voice grabs everyone's attention, and we all swing to face the bed. “I’m not, am I?” He sounds a little concerned, and from what I can see, his gaze is a little foggy still, blinking over and over as his eyes dart around the room like they’re having trouble focusing. Everyone rushes over to him, which allows me the perfect opportunity to escape.
The door flies open as nurses and doctors respond to the emergency call button one of the others must have pressed. Slowly, I sneak out the door which has been left wide open and hurry down the corridor. I’ll just catch a taxi to Shane and Alex’s place. I can call Chuck on the way and start to get everything sorted out.
A set of heels on the vinyl floor has me looking up, and I find Hope rushing toward me. “Where is he? Is he okay?” She stops me from going any further, grabbing my arm with a steely grip that could rival Nana’s and Jacinta’s.
I smile and give her a quick hug. “Yes, he’s okay. He just woke up, in fact. If you keep going down the hall, the open door with all the commotion is where you’ll find them.”
She squeezes me back, a grateful smile across her lips before rushing in the right direction. “Where are you going? Aren’t you coming to see him?” she shouts back over her shoulder.
“I’m just going to find coffee for everyone.” The lie flies out of my mouth before I can stop it, and I decide it’s for the best.
“Okay, I’ll see you when you come back.” She doesn't even turn around, and I quickly reach the elevator to take me down to the ground floor. It’s still there from when she got off, and with a wave of sadness, I climb in and hit the right button. The doors woosh closed, and I take the opportunity to lean my head back against the wall. I know I’m making the right decision. Or the right one to keep everyone safe even if itiscurrently breaking my heart. I can still get to know Dad over Skype or Facetime, and the man has an empire, for god’s sake. He could be on a private plane and in Connecticut tomorrow if he wanted.
I grit my teeth in frustration and growl quietly, the sound thunderous in the empty elevator. What the fuck does the stalker want? They can't seem to make up their mind. Do they want to scare me? Or scare the Summers? Is the goal to isolate me and then do god knows what, or am I somehow a threat only if I’m with my new family?
Pulling out my phone, I do the sensible thing and send a text to Alex, letting him know what’s going on. There’s no point in not being cautious. I’m not going to be the stupid damsel in distress that doesn’t take precautions. My phone starts to ring within seconds of me hitting send, but the elevator doors slide open when I reach the ground floor, and I put that thought on hold. I hurry out toward the exit in search of a cab, determined to get away before anyone can stop me, apologizing inside my head to everyone who is going to be upset once they realize I’m gone.
