“Yeah, Dad’s arranging more security for the house, and the others all had meetings they couldn't get out of. Oh, and Jacinta is kitten sitting. One of Princess’ kittens isn’t well. Nana spoke to Declan last night, and he asked her to bottle feed it, which needs to be done every two hours. So... you’re stuck with me.”
“That’s no hardship,” the nurse tries to say under his breath, but I catch it. Holden must too if the scowl he shoots in the nurse’s direction is any indication. Good, I want him feeling things. To be honest, anything would be good, but jealousy is a bonus. It would surely beat the apathy he’s displayed toward me for years. Never mean or unkind, just indifferent, like he went from loving me, and loving mehard, to acting like it never happened. It hurt like a knife through the chest. Holden is one of the reasons why I survived living in the group home. I think if it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't be here. But I think I did the same for him too. Both of us were in really dark places, and one of the first things Nana did for us when we came to live with them was get us into therapy. It took a while, but eventually, I learned that I wasn't to blame for any of the things that had happened to me. I learned to love myself and that I wasn't to blame for the way Holden treated me either. It was his way of dealing with all his issues.
“Well, Holden, you’re good to go. Make sure you rest that shoulder for ten days or so, and you’ll need to get the stitches removed on day ten. Best to keep it strapped until then so you don't bust the stitches open. And then you’re going to need to go to physical therapy to help with movement. I’m sorry, but you’re probably going to be uncomfortable for a while to come,” the nurse explains, handing him a slip of paper. “Here’s a prescription for antibiotics and painkillers. Take the antibiotics twice daily but the pain ones only when needed. Maybe at night for sleeping because they're strong and you don't want to become reliant on them. And if there are any problems or signs of infection, come right back in and we’ll take care of you.” He pats Holden on the knee and gestures to the wheelchair at the foot of the bed. “Now, if you just climb in here, we’ll bust you from this joint.”
Holden wrinkles his nose but does as he’s told, and that tells me, more than anything, that he's still not 100%. Usually he's stubborn as fuck about doing things himself. The nurse helps him to stand since his right arm is strapped to his chest, immobilizing any shoulder movement.
“You're probably going to need help for a few days while your shoulder is strapped. Don't try and do things that you'd normally do because if you trip and fall, you’ll end up breaking the other arm when you can't brace yourself with both.” He hands me a pile of paperwork and a spare sling for his arm. “Shower with this on, and you’re probably going to need help because we wouldn't want you slipping. Is there someone at home that can help with that?”
Holden looks up at me from the wheelchair before carefully blanking his eyes. “I’m sure someone will be able to,” he mutters.
“Yes, we have lots of people that will help him if needed,” I tell the nurse, and he looks between us, trying to gauge the mood, but I guess he gives up.
“Great,” he says with a blinding smile at Holden. “If not, I work for a temp agency as a second job, and we go out to people's homes to help with that sort of thing. My card is in the paperwork. Don’t hesitate to call if you get stuck.”
Well, fuck, he just dropped the mic. He pushes Holden out the door and leaves me to follow along behind. The ride down the elevator is quiet and riddled with tension, and as we finally make it to the patient pick up, I breathe a sigh of relief when I see the limo.
Mason, the driver, jumps out and comes around to open the door for us. “Good afternoon, Mr. Summers. Good to see you, sir.” Mason smiles at Holden, and Holden returns the sentiment somewhat wearily.
“Thanks, Mason, it’s good to still be alive.”
The nurse sets the brakes on the chair and goes to help him out, but I beat him to it. Handing the paperwork and shit to Mason, I steady Holden as he gets to his feet. His skin is a little clammy under my hand and he feels slightly chilled. Frowning, I help him into the limo and pull a blanket out of one of the hidden compartments, shaking it out and placing it over him. Our eyes meet, and he can’t hide the warmth in them anymore. If this moment hadn’t been such a long time coming, I might have scoffed at myself for how much joy that sight brings me, but I’ve been waiting for what feels like forever to see those eyes again.
“Thank you,” he tells me with a tired smile. I pat him on the cheek and back out to take the stuff from Mason. I thank the nurse who gives me a tight smile and calls goodbye to Holden, reminding him to call if he needs him, but I quickly climb in and close the door.Nobody got time for that.
Once we’re all in, the limo moves forward smoothly, leaving the overly friendly nurse behind. Gripping the paperwork like it's a snake, I shuffle through it to find the card and roll down the window without a second thought. Out it goes. And I don’t even give a fuck that I just littered.
A deep chuckling has me freezing. Fuck, I forgot he was here. Meeting his eyes, there’s amusement in them and no small amount of heat. “Jealousy looks good on you, Oli.”
Holden’s leaning back into the corner of the limo, the blanket still tucked around him. Not saying anything, because I can’t deny that my jealousy and I like that he’s alright with it, I place the paperwork on the other seat. I lean back, putting some distance between us so I can fully see him as I say what I need to get off my chest. It’s now or never. Steeling my nerves and taking a deep breath, I start to talk.
“I’m sorry,” Holden says, stealing the wind from my sails. “God, Oli, getting shot and knowing that it could have been you or Harlow or any one of us, made me realize how stupid I’ve been for the last ten years. I pushed you away in some misguided bullshit attempt to make everyone happy. I’ve missed you so much, but I was worried that if I tried to get you back and you rejected me, I might just die. So these last few years, I’ve just been living in a mess of my own making, and I’ve been an incredible asshole by forcing you to live in it too.”
“So I carried on, smiling on the outside but shriveling up on the inside. Drugs only went so far at numbing the pain. It wasn’t until my therapist suggested music that I felt like I could see a glimpse of light again, that, and the fact that at least I could still be close to you despite it not being in the way I wanted. I started to get a little bit of life back, but I think that if I didn’t have my music and at least the ghost of you in my life… I wouldn’t have survived, Oli.”
My heart is breaking yet healing at the same time, and it’s the strangest sensation I think I’ve ever felt. The thought of him being gone... He could’ve so easily left my life forever… It sends a cold chill through my system, but there’s also the little warmth unfurling, some tiny seed of hope. I so desperately want this moment to be going in the way that I’m hoping for.
“I don’t want to just survive anymore, with these little bright spots that still can’t break through the darkness because I’m missing something. Someone.You, Oli. Going forward, I want you in my life, no more shutting you out. If you decide you don't want to try again, then I will accept that, but I’m not giving up on us unless you explicitly tell me that’s what you want. I’m sorry it took me so long to see that when Dad adopted us, it was for real. I was just so scared that one wrong move would take this chance of a new life away from us, but I know better now. I know they would never want either of us to deprive ourselves of what we needed or wanted to be happy. I want you in my life, and I want Harlow in my life, and I'm hoping that maybe we can do that together.” Over ten years worth of crap has spilled out of Holden's mouth all at once, but all I really hear is that he wants to give us a chance.
There are tears in his beautiful hazel eyes, and he’s waiting with baited breath for a response. My heart races, and I have goosebumps all over my skin as my stomach rolls with all the emotions I don’t know how to express at the same time. Although I had this long spiel planned, I’m now speechless, so I just lean forward, careful not to knock his arm, and gently place my lips to his. His lips are warm and plump and oh so familiar even though he’s no longer the boy I remember. He’s very much a man, but that makes no difference. This is like coming home. Once, twice, I kiss him gently before pulling away.
“I was ready to fight for you, so hearing you say that makes it easier to breathe. You said so much that speaks to both of us, and all I can say is that I want to be with you, and I want to be with Harlow, and after that, I'll never be able to ask for anything else because I'll have everything I've ever dreamed of.”
I shuffle my body closer to him, and we sit silently all the way home, simply reveling in being next to each other. The feeling of my hand clasped in his is the best thing I’ve felt in years apart from having Harlow wrapped around me.
Although we've got a long way to go, I'm going to relish taking care of him while he recovers, and maybe we can make plans about how we're going to convince Harlow to give us a chance.
Together.
Chapter Ten
Harlow
Finally finding Max’s room, I knock on the door and wait for her to answer. When she does, she looks disheveled, flushed, and only opens it a crack, my bag hanging off her finger. I try to peer around her, but she blocks my view and looks over her shoulder for a moment while a smile crosses my face.
“You go, girl!” I mouth before leaning in and giving her a kiss on the cheek.
“Thanks for last night. I really needed it. I missed you so much,” I tell her quietly, and she smiles, nodding.
