“She could barely look at us. After days of police and social services in and out of the house, the three of us took off. Just woke up one morning, and without discussin’ it, started packing our shit. I hadn’t seen any of them until Arlo showed up a couple months ago.”
“She was grieving,” I told him, sitting up. “She didn’t blame you, Bas. You were just a kid. Kids do stupid shit all the time. You didn’t know Josie would get hurt.”
“Now, I look at Ariel and think, I’d never blame you for somethin’ happenin’ to Diana, you know? Just no fuckin’ way.But back then? Couldn’t see how shewouldn’tblame us. We invited those people over. We lost track of Jo. The only reason I didn’t swallow a bottle of pills was because I didn’t want my mom to find me the way we’d found Josie.”
“Thank God,” I said, wrapping my arms around him. I laid my cheek against his back.
“When I walked in tonight and saw your dad, I saw his face, and I knew you were there,” he said, his hand wrapping around mine at his waist. “And I got thrown right back to that hallway, the look on people’s faces as I pushed my way through ’em.”
“I’m okay,” I said, kissing his back.
“Think I’m in love with you,” he said after a moment. “Haven’t ever been in love with anyone before, but I’m pretty sure this is it.”
“Odd timing to tell me,” I replied hoarsely, my heart pounding. “But okay.”
“Didn’t fuck Lou,” he said, his words stark. “Haven’t ever fucked Lou. Didn’t ever want to.”
“We can talk about that later.”
“Felt drawn to her,” he continued, like I hadn’t spoken. “Felt protective. Liked her. Thought she was cute, thought she was funny, liked how she was always takin’ care of people.”
I tried to keep my body from stiffening as he listed her virtues.
“She kissed me once,” he said, tightening his hands on mine as I tried to pull away. “Felt like kissin’ my sister. Creeped me out, honestly.”
I stopped pulling.
“Realized then that’s why I was drawn to her. Why I couldn’t seem to stay away from her or why I was constantly worried for her whenever we were at a party or whatever—even though I knew she was safe.”
“Oh,” I breathed, leaning into him.
“She’s slept in the same bed as me plenty of times,” he said, his thumb running along my wrist. “Sleeps.It’s not like that for me, and she knows it. But when she was next to me, I knew she was okay. It was comforting or some shit. I was able to sleep after bein’ keyed up all night. I don’t know. Just know it didn’t have anythin’ to do with wanting to fuck her.”
“And everyone thought it was exactly that,” I replied softly.
“Barely anyone knows about my past,” he said, turning to face me. “Dragon, Grease, and Casper got me shit-housed drunk one night and got it out of me…and now you. That’s it.”
“Why didn’t you tell Cian and Titus?” I asked.
“Don’t know,” he replied. “Didn’t want to think of it. Didn’t want to talk about it. Didn’t want them to know how bad I fucked up.”
“They would’ve understood,” I chided, reaching up to run my fingers along his prickly jaw. “They’re your best friends.”
“Shit like that changes the way people see you.”
“It doesn’t change the way I see you,” I argued.
“That’s ’cause you’re too sweet for your own good.”
“I am not,” I scoffed.
“Why do you think I love you?” he said, smiling slightly. “Makes my teeth ache, you’re so sweet.”
“I wasn’t tonight,” I said with a sigh. “I didn’t let you explain before I bailed.”
Bas gave his head a small shake. “Wouldn’t have been able to explain it then, and I know how it sounded. I woulda done the same thing.”
“Insecurity, party of one,” I said dryly, lifting my hand a little.
