My cousin was going to kill me.
Everyone was going to hate me.
My stomach churned with nausea as I imagined the looks of disgust I was going to get.
I’d made out with Bas. No, not just made out. I’d been grinding on him. His hand was on my boob.
And beneath the disgust with myself, I was even more ashamed because I couldn’t get the memory of him out of my head. The taste of him, how he’d pulled my hair, the way his hands had gripped my hips.
It had been absolutely incredible. Strip-down-in-public-and-ride-him-like-a-jockey incredible. Make bad decisions, incredible. Still throbbing with arousal hours later, even though I knew that it made me a horrible person, incredible.
The aftermath had almost been worth it. I winced, thinking about the silent treatment Frankie had given me on the ride home. Noel had seen us, and in the minute it had taken me to get back inside, she must’ve said something to my brother and his girlfriend, because Frankie barely looked at me when I asked them to drive me home. The car ride had been awkward and quiet, even though I could tell Gray was trying to act normal.
Frankie wasn’t the type to keep her mouth shut when she was pissed, and I wondered vaguely what my brother had said to her to keep her from ripping me a new one.
I wished I could blame the bad decision on alcohol, but I’d only had a couple drinks.
He’d been laughing and teasing me, and he was so freaking handsome and sweet. I’d never really thought about Bas before. He was a nice guy and fun to be around, but that’s as far as it went. Of course, I’d noticed how good-looking he was—I wasn’t dead—but there were plenty of good-looking men in the world. He was part of the club and hung out with all of my cousins, so I’d never even considered him as a romantic partner.
Okay, I was lying to myself, which was pathetic.
The reason I never considered Bas as anything other than another member of the group was because he’d been mooning over Lou foryears. They were practically connected at the hip, and inevitably, if you saw one of them at a party or a family barbecue or whatever, the other wasn’t far behind. He noticeably worshipped the woman, and I didn’t even blame him. Lou was incredibly sweet, nurturing, funny, beautiful—the list went on and on. Hell, if I were into girls, she would’ve been at the top of my list, too.
It was understood that they’d end up together. No one quite knew why they hadn’t already, but we all just assumed that as soon as they got their act together, they’dbetogether for real.
So, not only did I potentially fuck up the entire vibe of the group once word got around that I’d been all over Bas at the party, but I also couldnotfigure out why Bas had been into it when he clearly had a thing for someone else.
Maybe he was just one of those guys that got his rocks off where he could and didn’t really care who he did it with.
But that didn’t seem right.
Nothing in my memories of Bas had ever indicated he was that kind of guy. Not that there was anything wrong with that—as far as I’m concerned, if you’re unencumbered and won’t be hurting anyone else, you should go wild. But I just couldn’t see him in that role.
He was the solid one of the group. He, Titus, and Cian had been a close-knit trio for years, and it was the other two who were going home with random women. Bas was always the one making sure everyone else got home safely. I’d seen him be the designated driver more often than I’d seen him partying.
Which brought me back to Lou again, because it was almost always Lou that he was making sure got home safely.
He was incredibly protective of her and unashamed of it.
What the fuck had I stepped into?
All I’d wanted was a little air when I’d stepped outside. The party was loud, and everyone was crowded around and asking questions about how long I’d be home and how my job was going and where I was living. I’d just needed a breather. I hadn’t even realized someone else was on the porch.
How had I gone from wanting some time alone to wishing that a guy I’d known for years would take me somewhere private and pull my hair some more?
Was this some kind of midlife crisis? I wasn’t old enough for that, was I? Maybe people went a little crazy when they were fired. I needed to do some research on that. Perhaps that had been the catalyst that sent me into the arms of someone who might not be in a relationship but clearly wasn’t available either.
I needed to stop obsessing over it. I’d been home for two hours already, it was the middle of the night, and I wasn’t going to figure anything out by replaying the encounter in my head over and over. Closing my eyes, I forced myself into a half-awake dream where I was in a large comfortable bed, the pillow was cool against my cheek, and there was a fan on somewhere in theroom. As soon as I felt myself relaxing into my old twin bed, I hopped into dream Harper’s dream.
A dream within a dream was the only thing that quieted my mind enough for me to sleep.
***
“Harp? You awake?”
“No,” I called back as my mom opened the bedroom door.
“It’s almost eleven.”
