“It is,” she agreed.
“Since we’re going to be stuck here, we should do a project or something,” I offered. “A puzzle? Want to paint a room? No, Dad’s stuck here too, and he’ll spend the whole time supervising and being a pain in the ass.”
“Your mood seems to have improved,” she joked.
“I’m anticipating all of this being over,” I replied. “I’m worried about Bas, and I’m nervous that something else is going to happen before all of this is over, and I still haven’t found a fucking job—but I’m safe. Gram’s safe. Eventually, I’m going to get to start living my life, and I’m looking forward to it.”
“You’re not moving away again, are you?” she asked knowingly.
I peeked back out of the shower. “Bas asked me to move in with him,” I confessed, widening my eyes at her. “Don’t tell Dad yet.”
“Dad likes Bas,” she protested.
“Dad is still trying to convince me we’re Catholic enough for me to be a nun.”
Mom scoffed. “Just tell your dad that you’re staying in Eugene because of Bas,” she said. “Then he’ll be Bas’s biggest fan.”
“Manipulative,” I said. “I like it.”
We were quiet for a while as I finished up, but I knew that she hadn’t left. Eventually, I turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around me before stepping out of the tub.
“You okay, Ma?” I asked, grabbing a second towel for my hair.
“Just—” She let out a little nervous laugh. It was one I hadn’t heard before—and I’d heard all of her laughs. “I’ve lived through a lot of club problems,” she said. “Lockdowns and crisis and all of that—but it’sdifferentwhen it’s your own kid. When we got the call that someone had broken into Mom’s house and you were there—” She shook her head. “My entire world stopped. The only thing that’s ever been even slightly close to that was when Gray’s maternal grandma kidnapped him.”
“Shewhat?”
“It was before you were born,” she replied. “Doesn’t matter. I was scared when she took Gray, but I knew she wouldn’t hurt him. The entire ride to the house, we didn’t know if you were hurt or if there was anyone else there. We didn’t know what the hell was going on. It was the worst fifteen minutes of my entire life.”
My mother had once lain beneath the bodies of her grandmothers as they died shielding her from gunfire.
The guilt was suffocating.
“I’m sorry, Ma,” I said softly.
“Why the hell are you sorry?” she snapped, meeting my eyes in confusion. “You didn’t do any of this. It’s not your fault.”
“I brought this back home with me—”
Mom began to laugh. “Harpy, you lost your job because youwouldn’tdo something illegal,” she said, gasping as her wholebody shook. “God, you’ve always been your worst critic. This isn’t your fault, kiddo. Not even slightly. Not even if you were looking at it in funhouse mirrors.”
“Okay, fine,” I said in exasperation. “It’s not my fault.”
“But don’t scare me again, okay?” she said, rising to her feet. Wrapping her arms around me, she kissed my cheek. Then she kissed it again, pressing her lips firmly for a moment. “I love you more than you can comprehend.”
“Love you, too,” I said as she pulled away.
She paused with her hand on the doorknob. “And nipple rings, Harp? Really?”
“Oh, don’t pretend you’re shocked,” I said, chuckling as she opened the door.
“It’s not like I needed toseethem,” she bitched as she closed the door behind her.
I was still laughing as I dried off and threw on my pajamas. Since I wasn’t going anywhere, I refused to do more than slap some moisturizer on, run a comb through my hair, and brush my teeth before I crossed the hallway to my room.
Frankie was sitting on the foot of my bed.
“Well, hello there,” I said in surprise.
