“What are you doing?” I ask, wiping the tears from my face with my sleeve.
“What does it look like I’m doing? You came here for a reason, right?”
I blink, dumbstruck. “Um, y-yeah.”
“Okay. So, what are you doing here?” He asks, twisting in his seat so he can look at me face on.
I pick at my nails. “I just wanted to apologise for the other day at the ranch. And for not telling you about Noah.”
Killian chuckles but the sound doesn’t hold any humour. “I wouldn’t expect much less from you. Noah on the other hand,” he trails off, shaking his head, and I physically wince from the pain of his words.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Killian quickly says, scrubbing a hand down his face with frustration.
I shake my head. “No, you’re right.”
“I just…” he blows out a breath, searching for his words. “I just don’t know how to be around you, Dais.”
I drop my gaze, shame, and sadness bleeding through every fibre of my being. “I understand.”
The years of hurt are evident in his voice with his next words. “No, Daisy. I don’t think that you do.”
For the first time since I’ve been home, I look at him.Reallylook at him. Beneath the man with the hard exterior. Past the years of hurt he tries to hide yet wears so blatantly on his face. He’s still the same seventeen-year-old boy who asked me on a date. His grey-blue eyes, identical to the ones I used to see my entire future reflected in.
I used to imagine our children, with my dark curls and his eyes running around in the backyard of this very house.
My chest aches and my heart beats unsteadily against my ribcage, but I don’t look away.
Killian holds my stare, his eyes flitting back and forth between mine. The small smile that lifts the corners of his lips is a sad one. Years worth of agony and yearning displayed in a single look.
It guts me.
“There she is,” he whispers, his voice hoarse with emotion.
He doesn’t need to explain what he means by that. I know he said it because this is the first time I’ve properly looked him in the eyes, and that knowledge only heightens my ever-present guilt.
The intensity of the moment is almost too much to bear, so after a few short minutes, I finally tear my eyes away.
“You must hate me, huh?”
There’s a throaty chuckle. “No, Dais. I don’t. Not even a little bit.”
My eyes burn. “You should.”
Killian shrugs. “Yeah. You’re probably right.”
My smile is tight as I gaze out of the windscreen at the cabin. The sun has begun to set, deepening the shadows surrounding the house. The bulbs strung around the porch are lit up now, giving the place a welcoming feel and giving me a glimpse into what my life could have been like had I not left.
It’s everything I ever imagined.
I blow out a breath. “I can’t believe this is your house.”
He hums thoughtfully, his own gaze following mine. He stares at the cabin with furrowed brows, as though he’s trying to see it through my eyes.
“This was our dream house,” I whisper into the darkness of the car.
He says nothing. I didn’t really expect him to, but his silence bothers me. I want to know why. Why did he do this?
I’m also terrified of the answer.
