It was also bittersweet. Daisy was in the back of my mind and in the periphery of my vision the entire day. I was painfully aware of every move she made from the moment she entered the room.
It can’t have been easy for her to be there today. I know that she’s had a lot of time to come to terms with her fertility struggles and the loss of our baby, but a lot of old wounds have been reopened over the past few weeks, likely stirring up a whole heap of emotions.
It’s taken me a few days to absorb everything Daisy told me last week in her parent’s kitchen and come to terms with it. In the past week I’ve done a lot of self-reflecting, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an asshole.
She opened up to me. She laid her soul bare before me in the most vulnerable way possible and I made it about myself.
I walked out on her, not once but twice. And in doing so, I solidified every fear she had from the very beginning:that I wouldn’t be there for her once I learned the truth. That I wouldn’t want her anymore.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Now that I’ve had time to clear my head and come to terms with everything, I’ve never been more certain about what I want.
And what I want is my wife.
Daisy has this ideation that children being off the table is a deal breaker for me. She took the dreams of a broken seventeen-year-old boy with an alcoholic mother and absentee father and clung to them, convincing herself that if those dreams weren’t fulfilled, she would no longer be an option.
She’s wrong.
I’ve wanted Daisy from the very first time I laid eyes on her.
She’s always been my first and only choice.
Sheis my dream.
Everything else is just a bonus.
And the fact she ever had to question that is a failure on my part.
Now I just need to make it right.
Could tonight be an opportunity for me to do that? I’m not sure. Only time will tell, I guess.
Daisy hasn’t looked at me once all day and I feel like we’ve gone back in time to the first few weeks after she returned. It pissed me off then, and it’s pissing me off now.
It pisses me off because every fibre in my being ignites when I’m in the vicinity of her. My body comes alive when she’s around and my eyes are immediately drawn to her. There’s an invisible string between us, tying our souls and tethering us to one another.
When I’m around Daisy, I feel complete. I feel whole for the first time in my life, like all the pieces that have been missing finally slot into place.
But at times, like right now, when she keeps her attention focused on anything and anyone but me, it drives me crazy. I want her eyes on me. I want her to be aware of my every movement. For her breath to hitch when she feels me near, and goosebumps to break out across her skin when my arm brushes hers.
The need to touch her, to brush her curls to the side and whisper things in her ear that will send a shiver through her body, is overwhelming.
First and foremost, though, I need to apologize.
“Dude,” Noah snaps, drawing my attention away from Daisy and back to him.
“What?”
“You haven’t looked away from her once in the last thirty minutes. Chill out.”
Grayson snickers and I shoot a glare in his direction. This fucker didn’t know what a smile was two days ago and now he’s mister fucking happy.
“Have you seen how much she’s drinking?” I ask the boys. “They’re on their fourth shot of tequila.”
“So?” Noah asks, his lips turned up in amusement.
“So, it’s a recipe for disaster,” I argue.
