“What was it you told me? Decide what youcan’tdo and then do the opposite?” he asked with an amused smile, pressing his lips against her forehead. “At least now we know we can’t be apart.”
“It was like being dead,” she said fearfully, as if even mentioning the numbness she had felt would allow it to creep back into her body.
“For me too,” he said in a strange, strangled voice.
“What about your mother? She won’t allow us to be together.”
“We’ll have to talk with her. We’ll have to talk to my whole family.”
“And if they still want to separate us?”
“Then we run,” Lucas said, his voice low and even.
Neither of them said anything for a while. They just watched the beacon light flash across the foaming waves of the storm-churned ocean. Helen could hear his heart pounding, but his grip on her only tightened as if he was already bracing himself for the battle he would have to fight to keep her close to him.
“They’ll chase us,” she whispered. “They’ll think we’ve started the war.”
“I know,” Lucas said. “But we won’t. We’ll keep the Truce, even if they don’t believe that we can.”
“We don’t have to make the same mistakes thattheydid,” Helen said defiantly. “It makes me so angry that everyone assumes that even though we know what would happen, we’ll still go out and do the same stupid thing.”
Lucas laughed, but there was no joy in the sound.
“It’s almost as if we don’t need to live our lives or feel our feelings at all, because someone already told us what the ending was going to be,” he said bitterly. She could feel him tensing with indignation, until a new and serious thought stilled him. “Are you really willing to do this? You know that it would mean you’d have to leave your father behind?”
“I know,” she said, knowing full well she’d be hurting her father far worse than her mother ever did, but also knowing that she would do it for Lucas—for both of them.
“I understand if you can’t do this—” he began, but Helen cut him off.
“If they won’t let us stay together, we have no choice. We have to run away.”
“It won’t be forever,” he said, trying to console her as well as himself. “Just until we can figure out a way around this. And wewillfigure it out. There has to be a way.”
“I’ve thought of something,” Helen said, her whole body going still. She felt Lucas tense.
“I think I know where you’re going with this, and I don’t think I want to hear you say it,” he said uncertainly.
“What if I wasn’t a virgin?” Helen said quickly, just to get it over with.
“I’m not sharing you, Helen,” he replied immediately. “Besides, it won’t work.”
“I’m serious, we have to consider it,” she insisted, struggling in his arms until he loosened his grip enough for her to lean back and look at him. “Tell me the truth. Would you stop wanting me if I was with someone else first?”
“Of course not,” he said, smiling tenderly at her. “And I don’t justwantyou, Helen. Iloveyou. Big difference.”
“Okay, look. I hate to even think about this, but I’ll do it,” Helen pleaded as Lucas started to shake his head vehemently. “I love you, too, and I’ll do whatever I have to do if it will let us be together. What? Why are you shaking your head? You’re not the only one making this decision, you know.”
“Tricks like that won’t work, not unless you just want something physical. Is that all you want from me? Sex?” he teased.
“Of course not, you know that!” Helen said in frustration, shoving him away from her. “I just told you I loved you!”
“That’s why it won’t work,” he said. He took her hands and pulled her closer to him. “If you and I were to be together the way we want, or at least the way I want—” he began uncertainly.
“And what do you want, exactly?” Helen interrupted urgently.
“I want it all. Everything we talked about. I want us to go to school, learn a dozen languages, live all over the world. Most of all, I want us to be together.”
“I do, too!” Helen said excitedly as if she had found a way out. “And we can do all that without ever getting married!”
