“That’s it?” Scarlett asks. “He’s just been like that since you slept together?”
“No,” I admit grudgingly. “He apologized and said he had a reason. I just haven’t heard him out yet.”
“There you go!” Alisha says. “All you have to do is let him explain. I’m not going to defend his actions—it was totally a shitty thing to do—but he obviously had a reason.”
I’m on the verge of telling her that just a few hours ago, Shawn backtracked, deciding not to trust me, but then I have the uncomfortable realization that whatever “it” is, Alisha is probably in on it.
All of them are! They have to be.
“Sure,” I say, looking down at my lap. “That’s great advice, and when we get a chance, I’ll listen to him with an open mind.”
I put my head down and look at my hands, hearing the others talking but not following the conversation.
I want to believe that Shawn has a good heart. I have feelings for him, I just can’t deny it, and it’s making me weak.
This prison of emotion is by far the worst I have ever found myself in. It’s worse than Father’s threats, or even real chains that he could bind me with.
There is only one way out of this: to disappear, just like I always planned.
I realize now that one of my dearest wishes has been granted. Finally, my current situation is so dangerous and unendurable, the pitfalls beyond Clover’s borders look like nothing in comparison. I have every confidence I can overcome them and get to the human cities before anyone can catch me and bring me back.
My dream fills my mind, easing the pain in my chest and giving me hope. Suddenly, it’s easy to rejoin the conversation and talk to the other women, because I know I don’t have to keep this up forever.
All I need to do is play the part a little longer and keep my eyes peeled for an opening—then I’m gone, and I’m never coming back.
Chapter 17 - Shawn
Walking into town with Sara, I can feel how miserable she is. I know I might never be able to make this up to her, but I’m prepared to do whatever it takes.
I should just reveal everything. I have to trust her.
We greet the main pack, and I can feel that something is definitely wrong with Sara, and it isn’t just that she’s upset with me. She seems to fade out, almost like she isn’t fully awake.
Well, it’s been a rough few days for both of us. It’s no surprise she’s feeling out of it.
Further up the road, I can see the others arriving, and the relief I feel when I see my friends is almost painful.
Finally, some backup. I didn’t realize how hard it was to do this alone until I was stuck up here without them.
I take one last look at Sara as the other women arrive, feeling like I shouldn’t leave her, but not knowing what else to do.
I’ll ask the others if I should reveal everything to her. Giving her all the information might end up putting her in danger, and that’s the last thing I want to do.
“Rex,” I say, approaching the others. My oldest buddy leans in, and we give each other a brief slap on the shoulder, then I shake hands with Brad, greeting Luke and Dan as well.
“The gang’s all here,” I say, trying not to show how relieved I am.
Rex gives me a lopsided grin, letting me know he can see right through me. “We had to bring the whole troop to see your town,” he says. “You know I like to check up on your work.”
“Ha,” I mutter. “This from the guy who forgot how to read his map and got us lost in the desert that time on a recon mission.”
“I didn’t forget,” Rex growls.
“No, he had it upside down!” Brad laughs.
“I had heatstroke,” Rex snaps.
All of us laugh, and it feels so good to release the tension. I feel like I might actually fall down.
