“In an hour?”
“Okay.”
I don’t say anything else, hanging up the phone and falling back onto my mattress. The knot in my stomach seems to grow, and my heart hurts in ways I never thought possible. Too much has happened in the last week, and it feels like I haven’t truly been able to cope with any of it. But it appears as if I’ll finally be able to—whether I was ready or not.
I stand outsidethe corrections facility, hugging my coat tightly around my midsection. Blue stayed back at the apartment with Claire. Unable to tell her where I was going, I lied and said I got a call from Kirstin and that I would be home in a couple of hours. Claire’s earlier words about Levi haven’t stopped running through my mind, and they don’t stop until I’m sitting at a small table in what almost looks like a cafeteria, watching a guard bring Travis into the room.
His hands are cuffed together in front of him, the orange jumpsuit a stark contrast to his pale skin and the hollowed-out sockets of his eyes. His left cheek and jaw are still badly bruised from the punches Levi landed, and the cut on his eyebrow looks like it’ll scar. The normally bright streaks in his hair are dark, and it appears as if he cut it, or they did for him.
Travis turns to the guard once they reach the table, holding out his hands. The man pulls out a key, unlocking the cuffs before roughly placing a hand on his shoulder, forcing him into the chair at the table. Travis huffs as he readjusts to get comfortable, and the guard gives me a stiff nod before he spins on his heel and walks about twenty feet away to lean against a wall, his eyes never leaving Travis.
“It’s good to see you,” Travis says, bringing my attention back to him. He rests his hands on the table, folding them together. “I’m glad you came.”
“Why am I here?” I wonder, trying my best to keep my expression as blank as possible.
Travis sighs, glancing down at his hands before looking back up at me. “I wanted to apologize.”
“For what, exactly?”
“Everything.” My eyes soften on their own accord as he leaves everything out on the table. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to support you and Claire, and that I turned away from you when you needed me most. I let my fear cloud my judgement, and I was too weak to turn down the drugs when they were offered to me. I’m even more sorry that I never put you both first and made it through rehab. I have let you down in more ways than one, and yet you stayed by me for so long. I didn’t deserve you. I’ve never deserved you.”
I blink rapidly, folding my hands in my lap. “I’m not sure what to say.”
“I don’t expect you to say anything.” He looks like he wants to reach for me, but a sidelong glance at the hardened gaze from the guard stops him. “I’m also sorry about not respecting your wishes. I went crazy when I got that restraining order and saw those custody papers. That’s not an excuse, but I was just so terrified of losing you both that it never even crossed my mind how better off you were without me. It didn’t dawn on me until I saw you that last time and saw him with Claire through the window. That’s the kind of man you deserve. That you both deserve.”
He sighs, hanging his head slightly. “I should’ve never broken into his place. The men I owe money to told me all about him and how rich he was and I just… I don’t know. I thought that was my last chance. I didn’t expect you both to be there. I thought you’d be at home with Claire. Not that it makes it okay—” he groans, cupping his face in his hands. “I fucked everything up, and I’m so sorry.”
I study him for a moment; the slumped shoulders, the shaky hands, the fingers digging roughly into his hair. My mind and my heart seem to be on two different pages, but knowing that this is goodbye, knowing that when I walk out of here thatI won’t ever speak to him again, I take a deep breath before speaking.
“There are a lot of things that we as parents are supposed to teach our children. Whether it be through actions or words, it is our responsibility to help guide them down the right path.” Travis looks up at me, his eyes glassy and red as he tries to fight back tears. “One thing that I promised myself I would teach Claire is forgiveness. How to move forward and not hold grudges, because they can gravely impact your life. I want to teach her to forgive and let go.”
I fold my hands on the table in front of me, not bothering to stop my own tears from spilling slowly from my eyes. “A part of me will always love you. You were my first love, and you gave me the greatest gift in the world. Claire is honestly the best thing to ever happen to me. And I don’t regret a single thing.”
Travis’s eyes widen. “I don’t. I know that sounds crazy, and for the longest time, I was so mad at myself for not walking away sooner and for giving you so many chances. But I don’t think I’d be where I am today if I had made different choices. I think everything that happened between us was meant to happen exactly the way it did. Did it hurt? Oh, absolutely. But I am the strongest I have ever been because of it, and for once, I’m optimistic and no longer fearful of what’s to come."
“I never used to believe that phrase, ‘everything happens for a reason’. Never really believed in fate or destiny. But I think I do now.” A small smile comes to my face at the words. “You were meant to come into my life, give me a child, and teach me so many lessons. Your path crossed with mine to help me grow, learn to love, and learn to fall out of it. And even though I wish things had turned out differently for you, I’m grateful for everything that happened.”
He wipes at his eyes, choking back a sob as he forces himself to look at me. I reach across the table and grab his hands,causing his eyes to widen. Travis looks over at the guard, but I keep my eyes on him, squeezing his fingers to get his attention back on me. We stare at one another, all the memories between the two of us running through my mind as my tears match his own.
“I’ll never stop believing in you, Travis. One day, you’ll overcome the addiction and live the life you were supposed to. You’ll be happy and carefree, and find someone who makes you feel all the things you were missing with me. And someday, when you’re happy and healthy, I will be there with a hug and a smile, and Claire will be, too.” His sob breaks free, and I squeeze his hands harder. “We’ll be okay, Travis. And I know you will be, too.”
He nods, and I give him a sad smile. I pull my hands away but don’t bother wiping my tears, pushing back my chair. Travis lifts his eyes to mine as I slip back into my coat, and I hesitate as the image of him from the first time we met comes to the surface. Him, sitting down at the table across from me with a half-finished plate of food when my date stood me up, and me, leaping to my feet and hastily putting on my coat so I could avoid the embarrassment.
“Can you promise me one thing?” Travis asks as I walk past him. I stop and turn, nodding. “Promise me you’ll walk away from anything and anyone that doesn’t make you happy. Don’t let anyone treat you the way I did.”
“I promise,” I respond easily. We stare at one another for a second longer before I whisper, “Goodbye, Travis.”
I walk past the guard and through the hallway, making my way out of the building. As I step out into the cold winter air, the snow falling steadily and sticking to my hair and lashes, I close my eyes and release a shaky breath. My shoulders suddenly feel lighter, and my heart is no longer heavy. The white flakes falling around me feel like a blanket, like a hug of solidarity, andtomorrow, when the sun melts it away, it’ll be the clean slate I am ready for.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
A FRIDAY IN FEBRUARY
Levi
I went to visit Cole today. He gave me a letter he wanted me to give to you.
I’ll put it on your desk during your lunch break.
