“Three people,” I repeat, a horrible wave of grief and anger washing over me. “Three people died that night.”
“How do you?—”
I leap off the couch and begin pacing, cutting him off. “You seriously mean to tell me you just went ahead and paid off the fucking chief of police to stall and close an investigation without looking into the details first?”
“I didn’t think—” but I cut him off again.
“Damn right you didn’t think,” I practically yell before lowering my voice to whisper to myself, “How the hell am I supposed to tell Claire?”
Levi pushes himself up off the floor and looks like he wants to approach me, but he stays where he is. “Tell Claire what?”
“April seventh,” I utter, closing my eyes. “Blue and I had gone out the night before and I woke up extremely hung over. We went for breakfast and Blue saw an article about a three-car pileup, but it wasn’t the heading that caught her eye—it was the photo. And when we got home, I was greeted by two police officers waiting for me outside my door to tell me that my father and my sister had been killed in said car accident.”
I open my eyes just in time to see the recognition dawn on him, and his entire posture changes. Levi looks like he has just been punched in the gut as he bends slightly, resting a hand on his stomach before he straightens and begins to pace. He roughly runs a hand through his hair before turning back to me with tears in his eyes once more.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Really?” I scoff, shaking my head. “That’s what you’re going to focus on right now?”
Levi frantically shakes his head, holding his hands out in front of him as he takes a small step towards me, but I step back. “I just… no, you’re right. That doesn’t matter. I’m so sorry, Lowe.”
“Don’t,” I tell him as I hold a hand up. “Don’t you dare try to show me sympathy right now.”
“I didn’t know, Marlowe,” he reminds me, that same desperation leaking into his voice again. “I swear to god if I had, I wouldn’t have ever done what I did.”
“It shouldn’t matter whether you knew or not,” I whisper sadly, having to force myself to continue to look at him. “You were messing with someone’s life and the life of their family.”
Levi closes the gap between us but still doesn’t reach out for me. “Marlowe, if I had known then that someone had died, I wouldn’t have done what I did. I thought it was just a standard car accident, and I didn’t want him going to jail for drinking and driving. I had no idea anyone had gotten hurt. You have to believe me.”
“I do,” I whisper, my bottom lip trembling. “But you still made the conscious decision to not get all the details before you did what you did.”
“He had never lied to me before,” he informs me, his arms stick straight at his sides. “I didn’t think I needed to.”
“I know from experience that you should never trust the word of an alcoholic.”
Levi’s face falls entirely before he moves to sit on the couch. His elbows rest on his knees and he covers his face with his hands. I watch him for a moment, trying to decide what the best course of action is. But my mouth decides to start moving before my brain can fully catch up.
“You know, for a moment there, I was starting to believe what you have been trying to sell me about fate being real. But if fate is one of my friends causing the accident that killed two of the most important people in my life, and the man I fell in love with being the reason I have waited almost a year for closure… then I don’t want to believe in fate at all.”
I notice his shoulders shudder, but I continue. “And do you want to know the most messed up part? I can understand why you did what you did. I mean, if Blue had found herself in a similar situation, my first instinct would be to protect her. But the difference is I would’ve dug for the truth because I would rather be safe than sorry. Yet I can also understand acting with your heart instead of your head.”
Turning, I pace the living room again, marking a path into my fluffy rug as I try to process the racing thoughts and feelings that are running through me. A hand on my arm stops me, and I glance down to see Levi looking up at me again with tear-filled eyes.
“How am I supposed to correlate and come to terms with the two?” I whisper the question, more to myself than to him. “With the side of me that understands, and the other side of me that can’t because your actions directly impacted me, whether you knew it or not?”
His grip on me tightens. “If I could go back in time and change it, I would. And it’s not fair for me to sit here andcontinue to give you my reasoning or my excuses. All I can say is that I’m sorry and ask for you to try to forgive me.”
“And what if I can’t?”
Levi leaps to his feet, gripping my shoulders before he gently cups my cheek in his hand, using his thumb to brush away the tears that have fallen down them. He then bends and kisses the wetness before resting his forehead against mine.
“Then I’ll have to learn to let you go.”
That thought alone brings a fresh round of tears cascading down my cheeks. I didn’t want to lose Levi. He had brought me out of a haze I hadn’t even realized I had been in. He showed me I was worthy of being loved, not just giving it to others. The love he has shown not only me but Claire as well is a love most people can only dream of having.
But more than my fear of losing him was my fear of being unable to move on from this and ruining our relationship slowly. Of Claire watching her mother fold into herself again and drift away because she was too afraid to walk away sooner. With that thought, I open my eyes and stare into Levi’s, and my eyes must give me away, because he releases a heavy sigh and loops his hand around the back of my neck, holding me in place.
“I know I have no right to ask anything of you, especially not now,” he begins, his voice tight. “But please don’t decide right now. Give it a week. I can’t bear this decision being made with both of our emotions running high like they are.”
