But how can I let Emma go on her own when she’s still so obviously frightened?
She wasn’t completely sure that she could trust the duke. If she had been, things might have been different. But as it stood, there was nothing she could do to convince herself that it was fine to let Emma disappear with him tonight.
She was going to have to go with them. It was the only option.
She left the study, hands trembling at this turn of events, and went to her room to pack a suitcase as quickly as she could.
CHAPTER 4
Vicar John Clark was wise and gentle, and his warm smile always made Bridget feel more relaxed. At least, it always had in the past. Today, though, it was hard to imagine feeling relaxed about anything. Her whole life was fluctuating madly.
He stood in the doorway, peering at her through his spectacles. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing, Bridget?”
She was hurriedly putting everything she owned into a traveling bag. “He gave me two hours,” she said. “I don’t have time to second-guess myself.”
“I’ve known you since you were six and ten years of age,” he remarked. “It seems like a very long time, all of a sudden.”
“And you know what a blessing you’ve been to me,” she told him. “I couldn’t have made it without the help you gave me.”
It was true. She had begun visiting the orphanage when she was young, longing for a way to feel as if the things she did mattered. As if she were making some sort of worthwhile contribution. Being at the orphanage had given her that feeling.
As the only daughter—the onlychild—of the Baron of Stoneware, her life had been filled with expectations she had always known she couldn’t meet. Her father had longed for an heir, but his wife had only given him one child. Bridget felt as if both of her parents blamed her for the fact that she’d been born a girl. They looked at her as if she were something less than a full person. It was similar to the way they looked at members of the household staff, Bridget had always thought, as if there were something about her that made her less than the two of them, something she would never be able to change. But in many ways, it was better for the staff because at least they were fitting into the roles that were assigned to them. They were supposed to be lesser, only there to serve, so the baron and baroness accepted them. But Bridget… she had been supposed to be someone else altogether, someone she could never be. They would never be satisfied with who she was.
She was sent to her aunt and uncle, Prudence’s parents, as she had grown older, to try to find a marriage match. Her father had hoped that, since she was not the heir he’d wanted, he could at least marry her off early and rid himself of the responsibility for her.
It hadn’t worked, though. Bridget was naturally shy and had found it difficult to navigate the London social scene. It had gotten harder once Prudence had married, and she had been on her own. When she had returned home without having made amatch, her father had been at the end of his tether, as she’d known he would be.
She hadn’t expected that he would turn her out of the house, though. That had been a shock.
But at least her past had given her somewhere to go. Vicar John had welcomed her with open arms, assuring her that she was wanted at the orphanage. She had never felt like a charity case, since he had put her right to work, and she knew perfectly well how helpful she was to the children here. Vicar John had become like a father to her, in the absence of her own, and she knew perfectly well that everything he was saying to her now came from a place of concern for her well-being.
She turned from her packing and faced him. “I have to go,” she said. “I know it’s an odd thing the duke is requesting, but the child has been so unwell. I couldn’t live with myself if I just let her go without even making sure that she was going to be all right.”
“Well, I suppose I might have expected that of you,” Vicar John said. “You’ve always been so generous of spirit. Always putting others before yourself. It’s your best and your worst quality, you know. You’re so selfless that other people can always count on you to care for them, and that’s wonderful. But at the same time, you neglect your own needs, and it makes me worry. Going off with a strange man like this… I can’t say I approve, Bridget.”
“I know,” Bridget said. “But I’ll be back when winter is over, as he said. And in the meantime, you’ll know exactly where I am.You can always come and look in on me if you have concerns or send someone else to do that.”
“Even so, I can’t help but worry about it,” the vicar said. “We don’t even know this man. We don’t know anything about him.”
“That’s why I have to go,” Bridget said. “I know it’s a risk, but I can’t allow Emma to take that risk on her own. I must go with her. She has to have someone by her side, someone to help make sure she is safe and protected. I can’t let her go on her own. For all the reasons you worry about me doing it, I worry about her. And it’s far worse because she’s a child. I don’t need protecting, not really. But Emma does.”
Vicar John sighed. “I should have known there would be no stopping you,” he said. “You’re very stubborn when you set your mind to something.”
Bridget smiled. “I know I can be. But I think that’s what this situation calls for. I think that’s what Emma needs, and I want to make sure she has someone on her side right now.”
The vicar nodded. “Well, I think you ought to write a letter to your parents just the same,” he said. “I think you should tell them you’re going so they know where you’ll be.”
Bridget sighed. “You know they don’t care.”
It was true. She had been here at the orphanage for over a year now, and in that time, neither of her parents had bothered toreach out to her even once. When she had first arrived, she had sent her mother a letter to let her know where she was, assuming that her family would eventually want to find her. But that hadn’t happened. There had never been so much as a piece of return correspondence. She hadn’t heard from her parents since the day her father had turned her out of his house.
For the most part, she had managed to convince herself that she didn’t mind. She’d never depended on them for love or anything like it. She was used to being on her own. What difference did it make that now she wastrulyalone, not just emotionally alone? Wasn’t it better that they weren’t pretending any longer, that they could all admit they wanted nothing to do with each other and had no place in each other’s lives?
Usually, she believed that.
But sometimes it was hard. Seeing the way the duke had come barging into the orphanage demanding his daughter back had stirred a deep ache within her. She knew neither of her own parents would ever show that much care for her. She wasn’t sure if she could trust the duke or not, but he certainly gave a good impression of caring for his child.
“You never know,” Vicar John said, his voice full of compassion. “You never know what might turn them around, Bridget. If they come looking for you, I want them to know where they can find you.”
