“Not even to saveyourlife?”
“Certainly not!” Bridget exclaimed. “I’m nothing to him. Just a woman who helped him during a time of trouble.”
She wasn’t entirely sure whether she believed that. Perhaps there was something significant between her and Reeves. But even if there were, he would surely never give up Emma for her sake, and she would never have wanted him to.
Better that I should die today than Emma be sacrificed to this man.
Though her heart nearly stilled with terror at the thought, she knew that she meant it. She would face whatever came.
“Reeves isn’t going to come,” she said. “You’ve made a mistake. He would never willingly give Emma up. Not for me, and not for anybody else, either.”
“We’ll see about that,” Gareth said. “He has one more hour to show himself. I believe he will. He’s not the sort to leave a woman in danger, is he? He’ll have convinced himself that he can save you and Emma both, somehow. But if he has any sense, he’ll have brought her with him. And when I convince him that letting her go with me is for the best, I believe he’ll do it.”
“You’re mad,” Bridget said. “You’ll never convince him to surrender his daughter! How could you believe that such a thing might be possible? I don’t know how you could believe it of any man, but youknowReeves. Until today, I would have said that you and he were friends. You must realize that you can’t get him to give up his own child. He’ll never do that.”
“Deep down, he knows what I know,” Gareth snarled. “He knows he’s unfit for fatherhood. My sister would have been a good mother to that little girl, but Reeves was never meant to be a father. He never wanted to have a child. He only wished to produce an heir. And he didn’t. He has no attachment to that child, since she isn’t the son he wanted.”
In all her life, Bridget had never been surer that something wasn’t true. She knew what it was to have a father who didn’t want her because she hadn’t been the heir he had hoped for. She had spent her life facing that reality. And she was sure that Reeves wasn’t the same sort of man. He cared for Emma deeply, and it didn’t matter that she had been born a girl. He had never expressed any disappointment in that fact, and Bridget knew that was because he didn’t feel any.
She didn’t bother trying to convince Gareth of that. His mind was made up, and Bridget doubted there was anything she could say. But she didn’t need him to agree or to understand. It was enough that she knew the truth herself. She could reassure herself that Reeves would not put Emma at risk. He wouldn’t bring her here. Emma wouldn’t be harmed to buy Bridget’s freedom, and that was what truly mattered.
The hour wore on. Gareth continued his pacing. After some time, he pulled out his pocket watch and looked at it. “They’re late,” he growled. “They should have been here by now.”
“I don’t think they’re coming,” Bridget said, though she still had the acid taste of fear in her mouth; her heart was soaring. She had been right. “Reeves knows better than to do what you demand of him. He won’t bring Emma to you. I did warn you he wouldn’t.”
Gareth seethed. “How dare he? I warned him of what would happen if he didn’t comply! He must be out of his mind. Does he think I’m bluffing? Perhaps he thinks me so weak that I won’t follow through? He never did give me the respect I deserved. But after today, he will. He’ll have to. There will be no way for him to ignore my strength and power, no way for him to pretend that I’m not a force to be reckoned with. Yes, I’m sure that’s what it is. He thinks me too weak to follow through.” He drew his gun. “He’ll just have to see for himself that I’m not weak.”
He was talking to himself, but his words felt like blows to Bridget. His hand went to his gun, and her heart momentarily stilled in her chest.
He’s talking about killing me. That has to be what he threatened Reeves with. That’s why he’s reassuring himself, because he doesn’t want Reeves to think he’s weak.
A shudder passed through her body—she didn’t want to die. She wanted to return to the orphanage, to see Vicar John and the children again. She wanted all the simple pleasures of being alive—to eat her favorite foods, to sing as the sun rose, and to feel its light on her face, the warm crackle of a fire and the heat it could spread to her body, the kiss of snow against her skin.
And that isn’t the only kiss I’d want to experience again, if only I could.
She recalled how it had been to stand close to Reeves. The scent of him, the surety that something was about to happen in the moment before it did. And then the warm press of his lips against hers, the intensely alluring and surprising feeling of beingwanted. The knowledge that, against all odds, the man who was kissing her was someone shewantedto kiss, and that she didn’t want the moment to end.
If she could have survived this, she knew suddenly, she would have done everything differently. She would have made different choices. As much as she loved the orphanage and wanted to return to it, she knew that if she had more time left in her life, she would have chosen Reeves. She would have gone back to him.
I would have told him the truth about how that kiss made me feel. I’d have told him I wanted another, that I wanted to go onexperiencing his kisses for the rest of my life,she realized. The worst thing that could have come of such a confession would have been him telling her no, and that would be no worse than what was going to happen anyway. It would mean the same thing—that she would go away and never see him again.
But something differentmighthave happened. He might have wanted her too. There might have been an opportunity for the two of them to spend more time together, to get to know one another. There might have been more kisses shared, more deep conversations full of confidences, and then… well, who knew where such a thing could lead?
If only I had been smart enough to choose that yesterday instead of insisting on leaving. I know now that I only said I was going to leave because I was frightened. Itisfrightening, all of it. But not as frightening as the idea of never seeing him again, never knowing what might have been. And if I had been a little braver, I wouldn’t be here right now.
Her heart ached with the realization that one choice could have made everything turn out so very differently. She couldn’t possibly have known. She didn’t blame herself for the decision she had made. But she did wish, more than anything in the world, that she had simply stayed when he had asked her to. It would have made all the difference if only she had.
Too late. It’s too late now. Reeves hasn’t come, thank goodness, and that means Gareth will end my life. There’s nothing I can do to stop him, nothing I can do to escape. I must find a way to accept it.
And the easiest way to accept it was to think of the knowledge that she was dying because Reeves had chosen to save Emma.
That was what she would have wanted him to do.
Her life had been dedicated to helping children, caring for them, loving them, something she’d never had in her own childhood. If she were going to die, it was fitting that she would die so that a child who mattered to her as much as Emma did would know that she was loved.
She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath, releasing it slowly and trying to ease the panic in her body. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t beg. Death was coming for her now. It would come the moment Gareth chose to pull the trigger. She would do her best to enjoy her last few moments of life, and when the candle was finally snuffed out, she wouldn’t fight or try to stave off the darkness. The only freedom left to her now was to accept what was coming with good grace.
Then she heard a yell, a familiar voice that made her heart sink to the very soles of her feet.
