She sighed. “You’re making it harder, Reeves. You know I must go back. You know I have my responsibilities. If there were any way I could stay, I would do it, but I can’t. The children at the orphanage need me at their side. I have to go back to them.”
“She needs you, too,” Reeves said. “She’s a child, too. How can you leave her for them?”
“Because she doesn’t need me.” Bridget wasn’t angry with Reeves for the accusation. He wanted the best for his daughter. If anything, she felt flattered that she was what he wanted. It meant he finally saw the work she had been putting in, that he acknowledged everything she had been doing to help make Emma comfortable. He thought having her here had been worthwhile. After the way they had argued in the beginning of knowing one another, it was a big change, and it meant a great deal to her.
And that’s also going to make it harder for me to leave, she thought dismally.Every day I spend with them—with him—is going to make this more difficult for me, and yet I know it’s what has to be done.
“I hope you’ll write to me once I go,” she said, knowing it was an audacious request. “I’d like to hear how… how Emma is doing. And I hope she’ll write to me too.”
“Well, she won’t,” Reeves said, his voice tight. “The best thing she can possibly do is start to move on from this. I won’t have her up every night, mourning and asking me when you’re going to come back, and me trying to explain that you never will. She’s had enough hardship in her life already. It will hurt her when you go, but children recover from these things. She’ll get back to herself quickly. If she has to write you letters every week, though, she’ll never stop thinking about you. And that won’t be good for her.”
Bridget sighed. “You’re probably right,” she admitted. “But will you write to me?”
His jaw clenched. “It might not be the best thing for me either.”
What did he mean bythat? Was he saying he was eager to forget about her? She couldn’t ask the question, for she was afraid that she wouldn’t like the answer. She let out a deep sigh instead. “I think we might just have to accept the fact that our time in one another’s lives has been brief, then,” she said, surprised by how much it pained her to admit that.
He nodded. “If you’re determined to leave now, I think that’s the way it’s going to have to be.”
How she wished she could stay! Despite her dedication to the orphanage, Bridget knew in her heart that this was where she wanted to be, and that she would stay with him as long as he would have her.
But that was just it. She couldn’t know how long he would want her here, and to make decisions about her life without any idea of where they might lead her was too reckless. What if she did stay? What if she gave up her work at the orphanage, and in a month’s time, he decided he no longer wanted her here? Vicar John would never turn her out into the streets. She’d have a place to go back to; she was sure of that. But she didn’t want to be a burden on him.
No, the only choice was to either go back as soon as possible or else not at all. And Reeves wasn’t offering her the second option. He was sayingdelay. Don’t go yet.
She couldn’t do it.
“I should pack my things,” she said. “It’s best if we do this quickly, now that we’ve decided.”
“Do you mean you want to leave tomorrow?” His eyebrows shot up.
That hadn’t been her original intention, but now that they’d had this conversation, maybe it was what made the most sense. “We aren’t doing ourselves any favors by waiting,” she said. “We’ve both agreed it’s for the best that I go, so… I should probably just do it.”
He closed his eyes briefly.
She wondered what he was thinking. Was it sadness? Or perhaps it was relief that she wasn’t planning on dragging this out, that she would be gone soon, and he could stop worrying about it?
He opened his eyes. “Come with me.”
“Where?”
“My bedroom.”
She felt her whole body grow hot. “Excuse me?”
To his credit, he blushed as well. “No, I meant—I’m sorry. Forgive me. I said that very poorly. I meant, will you come with me to my room, because there’s something I’d like you to have before you go. Something I’d like you to take with you.”
“Oh.” She blinked, wondering what this might mean. “Well… yes, of course I will.”
It was a harmless request, she now understood. But even so, her heart pounded a rapid staccato as, for the first time since coming to Greystone, she followed Reeves in the direction of his private chambers.
CHAPTER 28
I’m such a fool, asking her to come to my bedroom,Reeves chastised himself as they walked along.I should have asked her to sit with me somewhere else.
But wouldn’t that have been equally foolish? After all, the things he wanted to give her were right here, just a few steps away from where they currently stood. There seemed to be no point in sending her down to the sitting room to wait for him. It was a bit more proper, perhaps, but the two of them had blurred the lines of propriety more than once, and anyway, she would be gone tomorrow. It wasn’t as if she was going to be around him anymore.
Perhaps that’s why she’s leaving. Maybe she’s tired of the way I conduct myself around her. Maybe I offended her when I insisted on examining her injured ankle, or when I put my arms around her at the lake.
