He also knew that it would be nothing but a chore. That he would loathe every minute of it, and his life would be nothing but misery.
I shouldn’t have let Caroline get away. Gregory was right.
“What are you asking me to do?” Charles seemed resigned. His hand came up to rest on the side of his face where he had been struck, and Levi found himself wondering whether his cousin was just as worried about being hit again as he was about the type of ruin Levi had promised that he would suffer if he didn’t comply.
“Leave London,” Levi said firmly. “Never show your face among society again. Never trouble us with your presence again. I don’t want to see you for the rest of our lives, and I never want my wife to have to think about you again. If you leave us alone, I will leave you alone. My investment in your lands should give you everything you need to make a fresh start for yourself somewhere else. Go to the countryside, go to Paris—go to America, for all I care. But Leave London behind and never come back.”
“You can’t do this,” Charles hissed. “You think, just because you are a duke…but you have no right to do this to me, Levi. You have no right to ruin my life.”
“It’s too late for that. You had no right to ruinmylife, but that didn’t stop you from making the attempt. So these are the consequences, and you must pay them. I’ll give you a week’s time to make the arrangements,” Levi said. “After that, I want you gone. And if I ever hear of you in the city again, I won’t hesitate to do whatever I have to do to makesureyou see fit to leave.”
He turned on his heel and strode from the room, leaving his cousin sputtering behind him in shock, and finding to his immense pleasure that he didn’t care about that one bit.
CHAPTER 37
“Ijust don’t know what to do with myself anymore,” Caroline admitted with a sigh. “Everything went so wrong with Levi, and I’m not sure how to move forward.”
“I should never have run away,” Prudence said miserably, curling into her sister’s side. “It’s all my fault you had to marry that man.”
“Oh, Prudence, of course it isn’t,” Caroline assured her gently. “You were right to protect your own interests. And things wouldn’t be any better right now if you had been the one to marry him.” She sighed. “I know that people find you easier to open up to than they do me, but in the case of Levi, I don’t think even your charms would have made much of a difference in the end. This is the kind of man he is, and there was nothing anyone was ever going to be able to do about that.”
“I just wish he hadn’t disappointed you so badly,” Prudence said. “Of course, I’m very glad to have you at home. But I hate to see you sad. I wish there was something we could do about it.”
“Being here with you is helping me,” Caroline said. “I’m glad I made the decision to come home. It’s easier to be here, even though I know Mother and Father are disappointed in this situation.”
“They’re worried for your reputation,” Arabella said. She was seated on the window seat, watching Caroline sympathetically. When she had heard about Caroline’s return to the family home, she’d packed a bag and come to stay indefinitely. Caroline was beyond grateful. She could only imagine how difficult it must have been for her sister to leave her children, even though she hoped it wouldn’t be for long. With luck, Caroline would fall into a routine here and would be able to tell Arabella to go back home very quickly.
I should tell her that now. But the truth is that I don’t want her to go. I want her here with me.Arabella had cared for Caroline when she was growing up. She had always been the person Caroline turned to for comfort. And now, more than ever, comfort was what Caroline needed.
“What will you do with yourself now?” Arabella asked.
“You mean, to protect my reputation? I don’t know what Icando,” Caroline admitted. “Eventually, the word is going to get out that I’m no longer living at Mowbray. People will have their speculations as to why that is, and I don’t know what kind ofanswers they will come up with—but I can’t imagine it will be anything that will make Levi or me look very good.”
“You shouldn’t be worried about howhelooks,” Prudence said. “If he wanted to protect his reputation, all he had to do was treat you better than he did. He’s the one who chose to prioritize his own needs over yours, so it’s his fault he’s in this situation now. Don’t lose any sleep about any harm it might do to his reputation.”
“I do still care for him, though,” Caroline said quietly. “Perhaps I shouldn’t, but I do. I know he didn’t treat me as well as he should have, and I think I was right to leave when I did. But that doesn’t mean I wish him ill.”
“That makes sense,” Arabella said gently.
Prudence scowled. “It doesn’t make sense to me. The way he acted was rotten. Why do you care what happens to him?”
“Oh, Prudence, you’ll understand this when you’re married yourself,” Arabella said fondly. “Marriage is a difficult thing. It’s possible to be very angry with the person you’re married to and still wish him well. I understand how you feel, Caroline.”
Caroline was grateful for her sister’s support, of course, but she couldn’t help feeling that Arabella didn’t actually know how she felt at all. How could she? True, she probably had arguments and strife in her marriage, as all people no doubt did. But there was a difference between an argument in a happy and functional marriage versus the kind of disagreement that madeit impossible for two people to go on living together. Arabella had never experienced that kind of problem. Caroline hoped her sister never would. It was far better not to understand this kind of pain.
“I wasn’t asking about protecting your reputation anyway,” Arabella said. “You’re right, people will find out that you’ve returned to live here, and there is nothing that can be done about that—which frees you from the obligation to worry about it, if you ask me. You can focus instead on what would make you happy. You never cared much for the opinions of society before you were married. What made you happiest then?”
“Well, I suppose it would have been my books,” Caroline said. “But now…things are different. I’ve had the chance to see more of the world. I’ve had more experience. I don’t know how easy it will be to just return to a simple life of reading and not really living.”
“No, I agree,” Arabella said. “You couldn’t possibly spend your days holed up in the library now. You need more. But what? Have you thought about it? Do you have any dreams you would like to pursue, now that your days are your own?”
“Dreams?” Caroline frowned. “I’ve never thought about that.”
“Maybe now would be a good time to think about it.”
“I always thought my purpose in life was to be a good and dutiful daughter,” Caroline said slowly. “But I suppose I failed in that endeavor long ago.”
“You didn’t fail at all. You always did your best,” Arabella assured her. “I as good as raised you myself, Caroline, and I can assure you that you were never a disappointment—not to me, and not to our parents.”
