Her eyes cut to her mother. “Privately.”
“You don’t set terms with me right now, Caroline. How could you have left like that without telling me where you were going? After everything we’ve been through…”
“But that’s always been a part of our arrangement,” she told him. “We don’t have to tell one another everything we do—everywhere we go. That wasyourterm for us. You can’t change everything now just because you’re curious about what I’ve been doing.”
He was beyond curious. The feeling that had poured through him at the realization that she was missing was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. He was horrified that a chasm like that one could be opened within him. That he could hurt so badly. He was furious with her for being the cause of it. There was curiosity, yes, but that was the very least of what he was feeling.
He pulled her into the ballroom. The spacious emptiness made him feel as if his voice was uncommonly loud when he spoke. “I can’t have you doing that,” he said. “Disappearing like that, not telling me where you’re going…I don’t care what I said back in the early days of our marriage. Surely you can see that things are different between the two of us now. After everything that happened with Prudence, I just need to know where you are at all times.”
“I’m not Prudence,” she snapped. “You shouldn’t need anything different from me because of anything that’s happened with her. And besides, I was only with my father. He asked me to come and visit him, to speak to him about my mother. You know Icouldn’t meet him here, so I really had no choice but to do as he asked me.”
Levi sighed. “You should have told me.”
“I’m telling you now. Levi, what difference does it make? You can’t possibly be upset that I went to see my father.”
“Of course I’m not. Butyouknow how strange you’ve been acting lately, don’t you?” he countered. “It can’t have escaped your notice, Caroline. You haven’t been yourself at all. You’ve been nearly hostile toward me. So, when you do something like this, disappear out of nowhere, can you blame me for thinking you’ve followed in your sister’s footsteps?”
“Youcanbe blamed for thinking that, because you know how much I worried about her. It ought to be obvious to you that I would never put my loved ones through that same worry. I shouldn’t have to tell you,” she said hotly.
She had called him herloved one—that hadn’t eluded him. It didn’t feel like the right time to call attention to that fact, but he did file it away for later.
“Tell me why you’ve been acting differently,” he demanded.
“I haven’t!”
“Yes, you have. Ever since your family arrived, I’ve had the feeling that something was off, and I can’t understand it. I’veallowed them to stay here for your sake, because that was what you wanted. I’ve grown used to their presence, of course. I like having them here. But do you not like it? What is it that’s changed in you?”
She sighed and turned away from him.
He took her gently by her shoulders and turned her back toward him.
“Don’t do that,” he said. “Just…whatever this is about, just tell me. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“It’s about Prudence.” She still wasn’t looking at him.
“About Prudence?”
“About the way you and she talk to one another. The chemistry between you. You get along so well. It’s so easy.”
“Caroline…you know that I’m not interested in Prudence like that. Didn’t I tell you that I didn’t have any feelings of that nature for her, and that I was glad to be married to you? That you were my first choice?”
“You did.”
“You don’t believe me?”
“Ido.” Her voice was desperate. “But don’t you wish I was more like her? More charming? Easier to get along with?”
“Of course I don’t wish that. I’ve never wished for you to be anything but what you are.”
“I know she’s more fun than I am. She’s what gentlemen want. I’m not. Everyone has always made sure to tell me that.”
“Well, they were wrong,” Levi said fiercely. “I want you. You’re the one I choose, all right, Caroline?”
“You didn’t choose.”
“If I had the choice to make, you are who I would want. I would marry you over Prudence every single time, with no disrespect to her. You haunt my dreams and my waking thoughts, Caroline. You have a quiet brilliance that leaves me breathless and always longing for more of you. You astound me every single day. I don’t know how you can truly believe that I wouldn’t choose you—you don’t see yourself very clearly at all, not the way I do. I wish you did. I wish you saw everything I see. I hope that someday you will. But in the meantime—you mustn’t ever believe that I look at you and wish that you were in any way your sister. Prudence is lovely, but you are my Caroline.”
Her eyes were as wide as saucers by the time he had finished delivering that speech.
